By Megs
Date: 4 July 2000

Lonely Quiet Thoughts

I could drink a toast to all of you
everyone who had it wrong
tilt my head back and laugh and feel in control
because you picked what was behind the wrong door
and didn't follow the right end of the right rainbow.

I could tip my hat and wink an eye
and feel beautiful and desirable and something like an enigma
just because no one has me figured out
I must be dutifully supressing what scares you all so well.

But I will sacrifice my body for that comfort
to make the search for my heart and soul easier
I will bare the rest naked
and pretend I can be reached
through sighs and tongues and skin
and wash off that tingling regret
in the shower
the next morning.

Isn't it better to feel loved?
I asked him
I thought making you happy was enough
each of you
and I have lost a piece of my heart
along with an earring under one meaningless bed
along with memories of more meaningless nights

Isn't it better to feel loved?
I asked him
And I manufactured the feeling as if following a script
and though you never finished
and neither did I
we could still hold each other
till early morning light
glows strange.

Isn't it better to feel loved?
I asked him
And I circled the block till dawn
till your lights went out
wondering what thoughts went to bed with you
and if my letter sits at your nightstand
as patient and insistent and quiet as I try to be.
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