Isn't it romantic? The bride and groom floating on a fluffy pink cloud of bliss, While doves are released, and wedding bells peel softlyIn the background, Someone is singing we've Only Just Begun

STOP THE MUSIC!
Take a hammer to the tape. This is serious. Put down that Bride's magazine. Fire the wedding planner-----and threaten anyone who even says the "w" word in a sentence ending with a question mark. You need to take a chill pill, and get away with your beloved alone, for an entire weekend. The purpose of this is to "unwedding" because if you've been planning, chances are excellent that it's the only thing you've discussed for months--------and let's be real--------did either of you ever have discussions about tulle and posies before?

So here's the straight scoop: Burn the Magazines. Now. Their only purpose is to make you spend more money in one day than degenerate gambler can drop in a Vegas weekend. That makes their advertisers very happy. I know-------I understand-------it's your WEDDING DAY.. A once in a lifetime event-------a dream come trueyes dear. But it is ONE Day. Sure, it should be special----but special YOUR way.

HINT: If a bridal consultant offers something, lots of people do itthereby reducing it's value on the "UNIQUE TO US" scale.

And then there's that awful word, which brings so many couples to their knees-------The Big T----------Traditional!

"But it's traditional!"

Okay. In the pacific it was once "traditional" to chuck a virgin into a volcano. They don't do that anymorelikely because someone noticed that fire mountain god still toasted the village an hour after they tossed the last one in. When my husband and I were getting married, the sheer number of "traditional" customs intrigued me. So I researched them to find their originsoh my god

So let's take a quiz:

1. What is the significance of a bride's veil?
   
2. Why does the father "give her away"?
   
3. What is the origin of bride's maids?
   
4. What was the original job of the "best man?"
   
5. How long has "white" been the color for brides-----and why?
   

1. The Veil-------Oh ladies------the veil was once thought to protect the modesty of the bride--------in fact, it was used as ruse in arranged marriages------dating back to biblical times. Which patriarch from the bible was conned by a veil? (bonus points) And which wife did he end up with first?

   In later days, the veil was also used to protect the bride's pride. Plenty of time for unhappy groom to sprint out of the church if the promised vision was more of a nightmare. With a veil, he had to make the vows before he got a real peek at the little ladyvery romantic!

   Oh------and the practical applicationif a bride was a looker, they veiled her in gossamerif not------as thick a cloth as they could get away with. In the case of a really homely girl, they might embroider the veil with gems to remind him that she had a rich dowry

   The last reason for the veil will be covered in the bridesmaid question

2. The father gave away the bride because she was a valuable propertyas in chattel. His handing her over to the groom was the implicit act that suggested that she was coming to the groom "intact"---that her father had watched over her, and she was a good and decent girl-----worthy to be called "wife". If a girl was not chaste, she might not remain faithful. And if she was not faithful, how could a groom be certain that children of said wife were in fact his? Even today, marital law deems that children born within a marriage are assumed to be the husband's.

   That'll put a tear in your eye

3. Today's bride agonize over whom to chose for the "Maid of Honor"--------sister? Best Friend? The brides of yesteryear didn't have that problem. Their bride's maids were chosen because they looked like the bride------height, build, hair colorbecause they were bait. Unlike today, where a glance will show you who the bride is, ye old bridal party featured a dozen girls-------dressed identically, and veiled------heavily. If someone were inclined the try and kidnap the bride (not unthinkable a few hundred years back, particularly if land was included with a dowry.) they would have to guess which one she was-----or snatch them all. Otherwise they might snag the wrong girl. And then you have clan warfare, blood feuds, and nasty disputes certain to rid families of excess heirs.

4. The Best Man---so what did he do before "toasting"? Well, there were two schools of thought-----one supplied by the minister who performed our ceremony. Her (yes, we were married by a woman. She and my mom wore the same shade of lipstick that day!) Version was that the original purpose of the best man was to cover the groom's tracks-----if he got cold feet. He was supposed to hold off the bride's kin while the groom got away----and since such a duty involved no small risk, it had better be someone the groom trusted with his life. The second suggestion was that he would help the Groom kidnap the bride-----a romantic sort of notiona girl carried off from her stubborn parents. Only.sometimes the bride wasn't consulted. Or willing. Common law permitted a man to call a woman wife if he had spent the night with her, and shared a meal. You snatch a girl, keep her out overnight, and viola------instant wedding. The best man was to either help with the snatch------or play decoyand then attest that the couple did in fact eat togetheretc.

5. White hasn't been around long as a bride's color-----a new comer compared to many bridal traditions. Around the civil war, it was traditional for a bride to wear her best dressperiod. As American society swelled to include the nouveau riche of the industrial revolution, weddings became more and more elaborate----a white dress wasn't so much a benchmark of purity-------that was assumed or given-------, as it was affluence. It would have been tacky to drape the bride with gemstones in that day---or worse---goldso they concocted fabulous gowns and trimmed them with handmade lace. Lace was time consuming, and costly, so in affect, the resulting dress was a tribute to her clan's wealth. Add that to the fact that it was a dress to be worn but onceand it would have to be white---which would show any dirt-----and be impossible to clean.

Wrong. Because everyone if us has the right to ESTABLISH out own tradition----particularly for a day that's centered on the biggest YES you will ever speak. My husband's parents used his grandfather's calvary saber (The Colonel was a vet of three wars, god bless him) to slice their wedding cake. The photos of it were wonderful-----and Chuck's mom outranked Chuck's dad in the war, so it meant something special to her. We decided to used the same blade for our cake---------and it was fantastic----and made my husband feel closer to his mom on our wedding day----- (She died not long after my dad, sadly)

We also decided that an inedible but pretty wedding cake was stupid. So we contacted a French bakery that made us a five layer, five flavor CHEESECAKE----which they rolled in melted white chocolate, and trimmed with fresh flowers. Our guests went nuts.never saw people go for seconds on wedding cake before.

We love Asti------hate champagne. So guess what we used for a toast? Choking down some vile swill because it was tradition------well, it just wasn't us. So we broke tradition.and loved out toast.

My point is simply this------don't get freaked, and buy a bill of goods. I've known couples who paupered themselves for a fancy do------and were still paying off the credit card bills when the divorce became final. One of my best friends wanted a fancy dress----designer. Extravagantshe was careful to never let the groom see any part of it. Two weeks before the wedding, he came along for the final fitting, and while she was hidden away in the alteration room, he flipped through wedding magazines. She emerged glowing--------knowing she was going to be a dream on her DAY OF DAYS.and he greeted her with an ad form one of the mags-----not just any dress----HER GOWN-------and said,

"Look honey! Jane Jetson!"

Another bride fell in love with a form fitting gown that closed with dozens of little pearl buttonsbut was made in such a way that when she needed the ladies room, her entire wedding party had to come along-------to help her in and out of her dressand guard the door so no one would see her in her underwear.

My favorite was the bride------a tiny thingsize 2weighed maybe 80 pounds? She chose a huge dress-------yards of satin-----mutton sleevesand a Massive train . The clever part of it was that the train was made to be gathered into a compact bustle for the reception. After the ceremony and the photos, her mother and her maid of honor gathered the train, stepped back---------and TIMBER!! The bride fell over backwards. The heavy satin was too muchshe couldn't walk and had to loop the train over her arm for the entire party

Take it easy. It's an amazing occasion-----but never lose sight of the fact That it's only the first day of your lives together. What happens later matters a lot more. And as a veteran, I will tell you that my wedding day whizzed past so fast, I was grateful for the video later.

Try this list:

1. You need it, or want it? It seems like a swell idea. But why? I don't think near as many women "dream" about their wedding day all their lives anymore. In fact, I bet most don't give it a lot of thought until they are engaged. You can be romanticand practical.
2. Sit down and figure out what you might want to do in the first five years after the wedding. That horse drawn carriage may seem less wonderful if the cost undercuts a down payment on a house. Figure out what you can affordand stick to it. PAY CASH.
3. Don't let someone else ruin it for youNot your momyour best friend. your sister..or even me. If you really want itdo it! And if you hate something------don't add it just to make someone else happy.
4. Don't lose each other in the rush. Declare an hour a day a wedding free zone. Talk about anything else, BUT.
5. Don't fight over dumb stuff.
6. Remember that when the last guest has departedit's you and your love, for keeps.

So Says Gala