By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 30 August 2000
Contained
love is gone this morning and you are sleeping soundly
and I am profoundly alone and hurting deep and I want
to weep but it's a dry ache so I paint pictures and take
two more pills and put away clean laundry with cool
efficiency
I am not meant for love
not the kind that results in
traditional trappings and the status quo
I know my place
I know I should be in India or Africa or Peru
miles away from you and your good ideas
no one knows this but I am in a dangerous place again
and I am thinking of carving names of deities
in my arms
or walking to the liquor store
or waiting for the train
I am considering taking a few more pills
just enough for a good long sleep
but I will not weep
and I will not bleed
and I will not die
I will get through this
as I have gotten through
everything else
maybe you aren't the one I've been waiting to tango with
after all
maybe David Gregory will never be conceived
maybe I believed in one fairy tale too many
but I am strong and contained and ready
to walk alone
you don't have the map
to my path
you won't be there when
I die
leaving nothing but poems
and pictures
and endless bottles
of nail polish.
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