By MY OWN
Date: 16 August 2000
MY FIRST LOVE
SHE SAID 'MY FRIENDS BROTHER'..NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS INLOVE.
MY SMALL SISTER TOLD ME THAT HER FRIENDS BROTHER IS SINGLE..
OKAY I SAID !! DID NOT PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO IT , I NEVER THOUGHT ANYONE COULD LIKE ME .. SO I TOLD HER TO TELL HER FRIEND THAT I WOULD NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE AND THAT IF HER BROTHER WANTED TO TALK TO ME THEN HE WOULD HAVE TO CALL ME.
(I WAS HAPPY THAT SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEIR BROTHER)
ANYWAY ABOUT 1 AND A HALF WEEKS LATER I GOT A CALL .. I HEARD HIS VOICE AND I FELT MY INSIDES GO WILD !! HE HAD THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL , I DID NOT WANT THE CONVERSATION TO END..BUT THEN HE SAID 'ANYWAY'AS I WOULD LATER FIND OUT THAT IS HOW HE ENDS A CONVERSATION. SO ENDED OUR FIRST BEAUTIFUL CONVERSATION..I DID NOT STOP SMILING FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
SLOWLY BUT SURELY OUR CONVERSATIONS BECAME FREQUENT , AND LATER WE STARTED WITH SMS(SMALL MESSAGES OVER THE CELL PHONE) WE FIRST MET ABOUT A WEEK LATER.
I SAW HIM AND HE POSSESSED ALL THE QUALITIES I EVER WANTED AND NEEDED , BEING 20(BOTH OF US)MADE IT EASIER TO FALL INLOVE..I ALWAYS DREAMED MY ROMEO WOULD BE MY AGE ( STUPID QUALITY TO LOOK FOR BUT ANYWAY )!! WHEN WE MET WE BOTH HAD SHY PERSONALITIES , SO WE DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.WE SAT THROUGH A WHOLE MOVIE WITHOUT A WORD .. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GRAB HIM AND HOLD HIM 'BUT HEY , IT WAS ONLY OUR FIRST DATE' , NOT ACTUALLY A DATE .. MORE LIKE A MEETING.THINKING ABOUT HIM NOW STILL MAKES MY HEART CHURN!!
SO HE FINALLY ASKED ME OUT ON THE 26TH JULY 2000 AND WOW!! I WAS BEYOND HAPPY..I WAS SO HAPPY THAT EVEN THE BAD THINGS HAPPENING AROUND ME COULD NOT BRING ME DOWN .. NO MATTER WHAT AS LONG AS I HAD HIS LOVE ( I FELT I COULD RULE THE WORLD ) HE FELT THE SAME FOR A WHILE !! HE DECLARED HIS UNDYING LOVE FOR ME OVER SMS .. AS ALL OUR OTHER FEELINGS WENT TO EACH OTHER IN THE SAME WAY. THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HIM SAY IT..OH !! I COULD HAVE DIED..THIS ANGEL WAS TELLING ME THAT I WAS THE WOMAN FOR HIM .. THAT HE WAITED ALL HIS LIFE FOR MY KIND OF LOVE .. HE USED TO CALL ME CINDY CRAWFORD CAUSE HE INSISTED I RESEMBLED HER ( BUT I KNEW BETTER).WE USED TO SMS EACH OTHER THROUGHOUT THE DAY ,POEMS,SONG DEDICATIONS(WE LISTENED TO THE SAME RADIO STATION ON THE WAY HOME FROM WORK)SO WHENEVER A SONG THAT HE WANTED TO DEDICATE TO ME ..HE WOULD SMS ME SAYING 'THIS IS FOR YOU'..I DID THE SAME .. AT THE TIME HIS FAVOURITE SONG WAS TONI BRAXTON 'HE WASNT MAN ENOUGH FOR ME'!!WHENEVER I WOULD DEDICATE IT TO HIM HE WOULD REPLY SAYING 'so i am not man enough for you .. i dont care .. i still love you'
BUT ALL THE WHILE I KNEW HE WAS AND IS ALL THE MAN I COULD EVER ASK FOR.I THANK GOD FOR THE LITTLE TIME I HAD WITH MY ANGEL.I USED TO SEND HIM QUOTATIONS EVERYDAY SO THAT HE WOULD KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM AND THAT I WAS ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT HIM..AND WHEN HE DID REPLY ..HE HAD THE SAME FEELINGS FOR ME..WE WERE HOPELESSLY INLOVE..I WAS GOING FOR GOLD , I KNEW THAT HE WAS THE MAN I WAS GOING TO MARRY..I SAW MY FUTURE IN HIS EYES ,I FELT MY LIFE IN HIS HANDS , IT WAS NOT MY LIPS HE KISSED BUT MY SOUL..WE WROTE LETTERS TO EACH OTHER , SPOKE FOREVER ON THE PHONE..I COULD NOT LET GO OF THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE , THE WAY HE USED TO SAY 'HI DOLL'( HE JUST KNEW IT WAS ME ON THE PHONE )OR WHILE WE TALKED HE USED TO SAY 'BABY CAN YOU HEAR ME'OR 'BABY .. I LOVE YOU' GOD!! MY HEART CRIED OUT HIS NAME EVERYTIME HE SAID THOSE THINGS.HE WAS THE ONLY GUY I ALLOWED TO TOUCH ME AND I MEAN TOUCH ME..AND WHEN I FELT HIS BODY I CAME TO A REALISATION THAT,THAT WAS THE SOFT SKIN THAT I WANTED TO WAKE UP TO EVERY MORNING AND GO TO SLEEP NEXT TO EVERY NIGHT.OH I LOVED HIM SO MUCH..I STILL DO AND WE USED TO MISS EACH OTHER LIKE CRAZY .. WHEN HE VISITED .. THE MINUTE HE WOULD LEAVE I FELT HOMELESS AS IF MY LIFE HAD JUST LEFT ME STANDING AND HOPING TO BE RE INCARNATED BY HIS ARRIVAL.THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS WE SHARED DID NOT COME CLOSE TO HOW WE ACTUALLY FELT ABOUT EACH OTHER.THIS WAS MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH TRUE,MAGICAL LOVE AND THAT IS WHY IT IS SO HARD TO LET GO OF..CAUSE ALAS THE DAY CAME WHEN MY ROMEO FELT HE COULD GO ON WITHOUT ME.I SPENT SO MANY DAYS TRYING TO WIN HIM BACK , BUT HE NEVER GAVE IN .. I CRIED FOR DAYS .. BUT THE NIGHTS WERE THE WORST..CAUSE THE LAST THING I WOULD USUALLY HEAR BEFORE I SLEEP WAS HIS SWEET WORDS "I LOVE YOU" WHEN HE LEFT ME , MY WORLD DIED , MY HEART BROKE , MY SOUL DENIED ME ACCESS TO GO ON LIVING.I FOUND EMPTINESS EVERYWHERE..I KNEW ONLY WHAT I FELT .. UTTER SADNESS. SOMEHOW I CANT BLAME HIM.I STILL WANT TO SEE THE GOOD .. TO ME OUR LOVE PERSONIFIED THE MEANING OF TRUE LOVE .. WE WERE MEANT TO BE .. BUT NOT IN THE EYES OF GOD..CAUSE A SITUATION AROUSED THAT CAUSED US TO BE APART .. AND IF THE ONE ABOVE DOES NOT WANT US TO BE .. WE HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER.I WANTED TO TAKE OUT MY ANGER ON HIM..AND BEING AS STUPID AS I AM .. I DID!! I WANTED TO BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING .. FOR MAKING ME LOVE HIM , FOR MAKING ME BELIEVE HE LOVED ME ( IN MY HEART I KNOW HE DOES)BUT THE HEART AND MIND ARE ALWAYS AT A CONFLICT.
PEOPLE AROUND ME WOULD SAY I AM INSANE TO STILL COMMUNICATE WITH HIM..THEY SWEAR ME WHEN I REPLY HIS SMS'S , BUT THEY ARE NOT GOING THROUGH WHAT I AM..THE GETTING OVER PART TAKES A WHILE..AND I NEVER BELIEVED THAT LOVERS CANNOT BE FRIENDS AND SO I HOPE WE ARE..CAUSE SOMEONE THAT INPORTANT I NEVER WANT TO LOOSE. EVEN IF WE MEET ONE DAY .. BOTH WITH OTHER PARTNERS .. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE DAYS I HAD HIM..AND THE DAYS WE HAD EACH OTHER.
SO LIFE THROWS YET ANOTHER CHALLENGE..AND BY GODS GOOD GRACE I SHALL ENDURE.
I WANT HIM TO BE OKAY , TO SEE THE LIGHT THAT GOD PROVIDES.
I PRAY HE WORKS IT OUT .. I PRAY MY ANGEL NEVER GIVES UP ON LIFE..CAUSE
AT THIS STAGE LIFE MIGHT SEEM UNENDING AND UNIMAGINABLE .. BUT IT IS OURS TO LIVE....THEN AGAIN WE WERE ONLY 20 AND ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM .. I OWE HIM THAT MUCH .. FOR GIVING ME THE FEELING OF UTTER HAPPINESS!!! SO THAT IS MY STORY ON MY FIRST LOVE..MERVYN GOVENDER AND JOANNA JOHN !!
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