By Mike Kane,    MaxVeer@aol.com
Date: 30 August 2000

Don't have one..

        I sit in this chair all day.  I await the next time we talk anxiously.  To some it may be pathetic, obsessive, and may even make me more of a ''loser'' in thier eyes.  It doesn't matter to me.  
     I've given my heart and soul to thee.  Though thousands of miles seperate us..seperate our first glance onto one another.  Seperate our tight hugs, gentle kisses, soft "I love you's."  But yet, somehow, I'm able to give you my heart, my soul...and my life.  
     My mind is constantly filled with divine thoughts of yourself.  There are no thoughts of others. There is no room for another inside my little head for that matter.  I cannot even bring myself to look upon another without a feeling of guilt.  Those who may ask for just a simple date would be met with a gentle turn down.  I cannot feign another with thoughts of more than friends, it would be unfair to them. Not that I would want another.  My heart may long to be with you, just to feel your gentle touch, but I want no substitute to take your place here.  
     You have all that I can disperse to another.  My hugs and kisses.  My heart and soul. My mind and body.. everything I have to give is all reserved for you alone.  
     I wish you could do the same, perhaps you have.  I know you said no one else will do but I want to make sure I'm not holding you back. There is another option that I have thought of, this is, of course up to you as well.  Moving would be a big step...I could always fly out there or meet you for your school dances, other big events, or just to be with you.. all these occasions would mean the world to me.  I understand if your not comfortable with the idea. After all, your only 16..the world of high school is lonely when all your friends have boyfriends or girlfriends and you have no one to share the moments with.  I should know, I spent my whole school life this way.  You're still young and may need to explore the world if you choose as such. You know that you are free to live your life as you see fit.  You have no obligation to me. I don't expect you to go to the dances stag, I would be there for them if you wished for me to go, but again..that choice is entirely yours.  Otherwise, if another catches your eye and the chance presents itself, the choice to pursue these options is entirely up to you.  While I cannot deny that these things may bestow pain upon me, weigh my heart down, and fill me with jealousy..I don't want you to hinder your life because of my feelings.  Your happiness is the ultimate goal i will help you achieve..  
     While I'd gladly move to be with you, hold you in my arms, attend your school dances with you, do anything you wanted me to.  I also acknowledge your wishes.  I know that it'd be a big step for me to move, for the both of us.  Its one that I feel would be in the right direction for my life however.  I'm willing to do anything to be with you..my heart is already weighed down at times knowing that I can't be with you.  My eyes often times fill with tears as I think about it.  But I understand your concerns over it.  I only hope that, in time, this door may open up more for us.  
   For now, however, our daily conversations continue to bring that giant smile to my face.  Despite the things in my life that are dragging me down, you continue to light even my darkest days.  Your "hugs" and "kisses" mean more to me than you could possibly imagine.  Yes it is only online, but they only make my grin that much wider, my heart feel that much warmer, and my mind more at ease.  
   Your occassional phone calls make that smile twice the size.  To hear your soft, beautiful voice say the three simple words that probably mean the most in life, "I love you" makes my heart skip a beat.  Then a strange feeling passes over me..almost as though I were floating, my heart is filled with this incredible amount of warmth, and its then that I realize how much you truely mean to me.  How much of a difference you make in my life.  No single person has ever been able to make me feel the way I do.  Nor have I cared this much about any single person in my life.  I love you Robin.  I love you with all my heart...
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