By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 22 August 2000
Stuff That Matters Most
i like the life review montage in "American Beauty"
but i would like to appreciate all the beautiful moments
now
not when I'm dying
and when i have time and money i will make it my mission
to travel around the country
documenting the stuff that matters most
the human stuff
the little stuff
'cause IT..whatever IT is...is not about winning a prestigious award
and it's not about getting a promotion
and it's not about finding a little black dress on sale at the mall
it's not about impressing friends and neighbors with witty banter
it's not about making it to every meeting on time
i know the rhyme but the reason eludes me sometimes
when i feel like a brackish bloated bitch
which causes me to break down
and stare at the wall
hoping maybe it will melt into a montage of moments that can
save me from myself
like watching a family of deer at McKittrick Canyon at sixteen
with Matt Hale
and the snow fell so lightly
and he looked at me
and I wasn't cold
...or the sunset I saw from the bleachers at a Lobo football game
in Monahans with my hand on my heart
singing "The Star Spangled Banner"
or that Easter in Midland with my family when I felt so complete
and warm and secure in my pretty pastels and genuine jewelry
or when I saw my baby on her sixth month sonogram
and she clenched her fist
and thrust it upward
in defiance
and then there are the delicate variations of smiles
on the face of my one true love
and the laughter he doesn't fake
and his eyes drawing me in
and his touch in the morning
and loyalty like I have never known
success is sharing dessert in a diner at 2:20 a.m.
sitting beside him
in the booth
success is ruthless refusal to compromise
success is Screw You in a singsong
success is I Love You in a whisper
success is recognizing the mole hills
and ignoring
the mountains.
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