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By Misti Date: 2001 Oct 02 Comment on this Work [[2001.10.02.23.03.13330]] |
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summed up I am a lot of nothing dressed up in too much something as I unravel I get further away from who I'm supposed to be according to social conditioning Sunday school my family you I think of Paul knowing exactly who he was and what he stood for as he denounced his desires focused solely on writing and expressing his philanthropic love I think of so many others who knew and stuck to the plan I have no plan no more clear ideas or sense of purpose I'm 28 years old and I'm having a midlife crisis I think of my mom as I load the dishwasher and vacuum I think of my sister as I remember all my Rapture nightmares and look at the church signs saying the same thing in a dozen different ways I think of my brother as I look at photos of Cathedral Gorge and the Valley of Fire and there are memories of mania still not dulled or faded sharp memories glass in my shoes all the news fit to line a box with the blues still swollen inside me delirious the more I listen the more lost I get in the song oh it is wrong of me to pretend I am not my mother grandmother or sister I can't hold it all together I can't protect I think of all the times I clung to you feeling like you were the one who gave me a new childhood to heal me it's okay to create it's okay to be puerile it's okay to get excited over crayons and paints and new creations no the elation isn't true anymore I'm boring myself with this pain I want to know for once absolutely and without apologies who I am and what I will stand. |