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By deevaa Submitted by deevaa Date: 2002 Feb 07 Comment on this Work [[2002.02.07.17.31.20437]] |
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So today I feel like writing. I've written hardly anything since I arrived here. Not because I haven't wanted to, or haven't had time. But because there has been no real 'need'. I'm here, I can see him, touch him, tell him what I need, what I want. Xanga used to be a way of sharing, not only with the 'public' of xanga, but with each other, the little stuff. The last few days I've been feeling lonely. Not just physically but emotionally also. Yes, I miss my family, my friends, but in some ways I also miss him. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I'm here. I love that moment when he arrives home from work, that look on his face as TK races to you for a cuddle and that moment when we touch hands, and then kiss, stretching for each others mouth. I love waking up next to him, and feeling the weight of his hand on my hip. I'm lonely because he walks out the door each morning, alone. I can't pretend that not finding a job yet isn't bothering me, because truthfully it is, it is really impacting on my self esteem, on my confidence. I've always had a job, I've always been self sufficient, and I because I hate having to ask money - I've spent all my savings moving here. It is hard for me to relax enough even to paint. I can't clear my mind and not worry about the fact that I don't have a job. I can't concentrate. I'm also lonely for my stuff. I hate not having my 'things' around me. I never knew it was possible to be lonely for objects, but there is stuff in those boxes I that I miss. What makes it worse is that I know that the ship has arrived in Melbourne, and my boxes are sitting at the port waiting for customs clearance and delivery. It makes it worse that the are so close, yet they are still 3 weeks away. I won't pretend that it is all wonderful now that I'm in Australia. It is tough, but the good outweighs the bad. Once I have a job, I believe that the sweetness with be even sweeter, and the slices of lime in the mix will be just enough to make the mix interesting. |