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By Misti Date: 2002 Jun 13 Comment on this Work [[2002.06.13.22.55.18424]] |
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Today was more of the same but with added intensity and shame...sending you off to work with more shit to grapple with. As if loving me on a good day isn't challenge enough. You have been there seeing me through a hundred and two varities of bullshit. I'm Pollock without the paint. Beethoven without the piano. Plath without the poetry I mean real poetry academic yet accessible brilliant in its madness I am a mediocre psychologically challenged unrequited love junkie pass the salt we're beyond basta, basta way beyond those endearing short syllables in college it was simple there was a syllabus a schedule and sometimes a seating arrangement I know what's expected of me your expectations are simple and natural and well-deserved but I am losing it for no reason at all. Today I did the wrong thing more than once. Today I wasn't hungry. Today I drove more miles than usual. Today I looked through old pictures. Today I threw shit away. I am not Nicole Kidman or Meg Ryan or even Winona Ryder. I can't handle all this drama all this feeling all this surreal lopsided pyramid choked up smoking drinking Billie Holiday angst. I need asylum. Rest. Solitude. A cabin in Oregon. A place with no mirror or Walgreen's or radio. I need chaos. Activity. Parties. A commune in California. A place populated with disgruntled former government employees and chimpanzees. We said our vows on a mountain and complete strangers smiled upon us and applauded as red and purple and yellow balloons were released into a sunset technicolor sky. Was I lying? No. I was just trying really hard to be the woman everyone needed me to become. |