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By Misti Date: 2002 Aug 09 Comment on this Work [[2002.08.09.20.47.5892]] |
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My life isn't too stellar right now. I have a decent job and that's good but I'm worried about getting fired. I have to add all these figures up, and I am no accountant. Anyway. I'll do my best and try to maintain a positive vibe. When I first met Chris I was wOwed by his parents, especially his dad. They came to visit this past week and it didn't go too well. They loved visiting with Chris and my brother Dustin. They managed the basic courtesies with me in the beginning. But tonight was our last meal with them and it went over like a lead balloon. They barely spoke to me throughout the meal. They made a big production out of giving Chris a couple of gifts and telling him that they bought the latest Sports Illustrated for Dustin. Then they brought up coming back in December. By this point I was more than a little pissed. I told Chris that I intend on spending my Christmas holidays with my family in Texas. His mom said,"We'll talk about it later, Chris." Like I have nothing whatsoever to do with the decision. I told Chris he can spend a week with his parents if he wants. Count me out. I want go through the deep freeze again. I'm tired of being meek and mild. I'm tired of being punished for mistakes I made a month ago. I regret my decisions but this marriage has not been a smooth ride. We've had problems since we met online back in 2000. I won't accept all the blame. I shouldn't have acted on my feelings toward someone I've never even met. That was stupid and completely wrong of me. But I refuse to wear a big red "A" on my chest. Chris keeps telling me that what I did is worse than finding some guy in a bar and having a one-night stand. Maybe so. I know if the situation were reversed I would be beyond pissed and hurt and I'd probably never let him live it down. I have not acted in a mature or honorable manner. I am not proud of myself right now. I'm just ready to move the fuck on and start making some kind of sense out of my life. If this means moving to Alaska eventually for some solitude and distance so fucking be it. I'm tired of everyone I know. Not on the Internet. In 3-D realer than real life. |