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By Lydia Date: 2002 Aug 14 Comment on this Work [[2002.08.14.13.11.3033]] |
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Do you remember me? I was the one with the green eyes, drinking vodka and lemonade from the Subway cup and Mickey Mouse Crazy Straw. You remarked at how "amazing" (I think that was your adjective) my eyes were. I laughed, then everyone else at the table laughed with me; those are tinted contact lenses you see. It didn't matter to you that my eyes are really brown. We talked the entire night - until we both had to be home (by 1am). I guess that was back in 1991. Seems so long ago...it was so long ago. From that night, a friendship emerged. You knew all my secrets (my fucked up home, my fear-ridden dreams, my love of hallucinative drugs) and loved me still. Now, eleven years passed, am I still the same person? Because I sure don't look, sound, or feel like the me I thought I was, any longer. I guess I am asking you to validate my current existence. Not that any one person can even do that for another - but our bond was special. I loved you, adored you, and gave you my soul. And, now that we are both loving and adoring others, I wonder if there is still a glimmer of brightness that once was me. I have to know that when we talk or email, you still laugh because I am funny - not because it is the polite thing to do. And when you speak of missing me - it is true, and you really wish me well. I hope you can still see that girl; curly hair and a shy smile with brain intact and learning. Am I ruining this new love affair just as I demolished ours? Please help me. Oh God, how could it all go so badly and so very fast, without the slightest hint of permission from me. Have I rubbed off all my shiny coating? |