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By Misti Date: 2002 Aug 22 Comment on this Work [[2002.08.22.20.52.625]] |
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Tom and Phyllis, if you are reading this right now (Chris tells me that you read all my xangas)...I am not giving up on my marriage. My mom told me that if I move back to Beaumont she can help me find a job and I can live in Joe's mother's old house free of charge. That is very tempting. I've told Chris numerous times that I want to leave him so that he can find a healthy woman who can give him the life he deserves. But I love your son and I will stay with him until he decides he can't do it anymore. Ya'll can go on hating me. When you visit, I'll make myself scarce. I will not apologize to ya'll anymore for anything. Ya'll can hold the past over my head, judge me for past actions and hate me because I'm too "quiet" and don't eat all the food on my plate. I've wasted enough time and energy on hatred and pettiness. I'm through. Chris loves and cherishes me. Deal with it. And for all my other faithful xanga readers, here is an e-mail I just sent my sister. It sheds even more light on the current pathetic state of my life. I apologize for all this negativity. Things are about as bad as they've ever been, but at least I've finally found a human being who loves me unconditionally 110%. It's comforting having someone other than God to cry to. My heart and spirit are broken. But I love my husband for trying. I owe him my life. "Tom is the biggest jerk. Today my car wouldn't start. Chris sent his dad an IM tonight. His dad thought I broke the car myself (!!!!!!!!!) because I don't want to have to get a job. He told Chris that he's Sir Lancelot to my family, here to take a problem off their hands that they have had for the past fifteen years. I got on there and told him that I am doing the best I can and that it doesn't take a genius to figure out that by hating me, he and Phyllis are making Chris's life more hellish. Tom ignored me and said,'Chris, we'll love you no matter what.' I called Mom, as usual, and ranted and raved and broke down and cried. I can't handle all this hatred. Chris held me but said he can't tell his parents off 'cause we may need their help with the car. He said when we have more money we can tell everyone where to go. I have another interview in the morning. Wish me luck. I'm going to pray tonight. Wouldn't that just SICKEN Tom and Phyllis? They are so superior. I shudder in awe. Puke. Anyway. Thanks for loving me all these years despite my many flaws and demons. Love, misti" |