By Misti
Date: 2002 Aug 25
Comment on this Work
[[2002.08.25.17.48.9983]]

I Have Hated Myself


i have hated myself for bleeding
needing more than i dared to ask for
shedding layers of my deepest self
my sacred self
my shadowed self
loss without gain
again & again
new lips to kiss
new love to miss
to die for cry for
broken down and no
stars in my crown
from dying/trying/crying
never lying
honest always
crazed by the daze
the ways to fall again
more men to memorize
and drink to forget
regretting the bone bare loss
of dignity
greasy from paint
burned by the spotlight
magnifying my flaws
the jaws of death
yawning in the front row
i don't know flow
flow like a Colorado river
flow like peace
without ceasing
i don't know flow
but i know flood
and mud
and i am not cleansed
and i am barely here
but maybe soon i will have
no fears left
i am a hundred years old decaying
in glowing flesh.