By B.K.
Date: 2002 Sep 12
Comment on this Work

Ode to Black and Decker

I’ve never cared for power tools
They were just too crude for me
I was scared I’d cut myself
Or harm my favorite tree
So so lady like
Pruned by hand so lovingly
Till I got tired of pruning
With misquotes after me
So I opened up the shed and
In Steven Kings dark corner
The exact thing I needed
To keep me from being
So West Nile forlorn
My big orange
Black and Decker
(Power hedge trimmer just for me)
I grabbed that electric saw
Went after that awful bush
Took it by the big black handle
And gave that button a push
To top it off I had PMS
‘Twas meaner than a snee
So in just three minutes flat
I brought it right down to its knees
First it was a square
Then a triangle
Then a circle
But I just kept a sawing
And my anger became a smirkle
All that power it just went right to my head
All that power and that poor bush now is dead
I know why men all love their Black and Deckers
It’s just like their fast cars
They’re an extension of their peckers
(What the heckers)
So now there will be no more sissy
Hand pruning for me
Just once a month PMS
Black and Decker
(Baby You and Me)
So watch out bushes
Watch out hedges and big OLE trees
Cause as soon as I can afford
A Black and Decker big chain saw
When that time of month rolls around
I’m coming back to get you all.