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By Misti Date: 2002 Sep 20 Comment on this Work [[2002.09.20.22.10.24230]] |
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Hogan sat on the bench that faced Dylan's tombstone hoping for a sign. He sipped his can of Dr. Buzz and stared intently at the small tombstone. It was bathed in moonlight and adorned with plastic purple and orange flowers that Dylan's girlfriend Maria had placed on the grave two months ago. "Come on, buddy. Haunt me. Give me a sign. I need to know that you still exist in some form. I won't be scared. I just need to know that your energy is still whizzin' around," Hogan said. ...Suddenly, "Heartbeat" by Buddy Holly and the Crickets began to play and an eerie mist arose from the grave. "Whoa, dude. That was fast. But Buddy Holly? What the hell? I thought you hated that '50s crap," Hogan muttered. ...There was no answer. "Heartbeat" kept playing and the mist continued to swirl around Dylan's sad grave. "Uh...okay. Cool. So have you met Buddy Holly? Or anybody cool...like Kurt Cobain or Jim Morrison or John Lennon or Bradley Nowell?" The music stopped playing. Britney Spears appeared dressed in the sexed up schoolgirl garb she wore in her "Baby One More Time" video. Hogan rubbed his eyes. "Britney Spears? Am I dead?" "No. And I'm not really Britney, so don't get your hopes up. It's me, dumb ass. I thought you'd appreciate the irony," the Britney Spears vision said in Dylan's voice. "Dude, that is too weird! I didn't ask you to make me horny! Change into yourself!" "Myself is a rotting corpse, man. I'll change into Elton John." To Hogan's horror, "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" began to play. Dylan as Elton John got down on his knees and serenaded Hogan. "Stop! Enough! Go back to hell! I'm sorry I asked! I won't bother you again! Please! Rest in peace!" Dylan as Elton John laughed maniacally and disappeared. Hogan was alone once again on the cold cement bench. With a deep shudder, Hogan arose and crumpled the empty Dr. Buzz can in his hand. "I've learned the error of my ways. Never ask for favors from the dead. Or never drink fake Dr. Pepper. Or don't hang out in cemeteries. I'll avoid all three for as long as I live...so help me, Kurt Loder," Hogan said. He shivered all the way home. |