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By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Sep 27 Comment on this Work [[2002.09.27.13.17.23611]] |
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Why is it that some of the best experiences in your life you can only experience once? I'm never going to feel what I'm feeling now I'm never going to go through what I've gone through the past year Maybe that's a good thing You truly only have one junior/senior prom experience Mine was perfect from the outset Despite all the other things in life being torn apart this was one moment of extreme happiness for me Now it seems that all that I've had has slipped through my fingers like sand Where have all the happy times gone? Where have all my friends disappeared to? Why do I feel all alone when I need people the most? I thought I was doing a good job at hiding my emotions But professors are looking at me, and asking me where I've gone Where have I gone? Why can't my motivation carry me through these next 2 semesters? This is going to be my only senior year in college yet like my high school countdown, I wish it away, and count the days Although, I don't know where I am going I know where I want to be in 3 years I am always wishing that my life were in a different station I always long for a better ending to the story than the one that is playing out now I am so lost I am so motivated, yet I still find myself unable to get up in the morning Where have I gone? Where have I been? What if I can't take this pressure anymore? I am such a disappointment to myself. How did it happen that I decided to do the job of 10 people yet at the same time find it in my soul, to destruct the very being behind all this I am self destructing right before my very eyes I am in a bad nightmare, that I can't get out of I have so many goals, dreams, aspirations yet..how am I working to get there my body is run down, my brain is burnt out Where did all my drive go? Why is this happening to me? How can I fight this? Each day I awake to hopefully find a new day, but I am scared to death to face the disappointment that might follow me What can i do? I've come to the conclusion, that since I can only experience this path once that I am going to live this year to the fullest and even if it kills me, I am going to get thru this year with no less than a 3.5 Balance-that's our motto in Alpha Sigma Alpha that's my goal in life..balance but how come something so ideal is so difficult I have to balance, studies, lsat, friends, party, grades The list goes on and on and my brain never stops, even at 4 am in the morning how do you tell people that you feel like a zombie? what's worse is that I didn't realize that I am feeling as horrible as I obviously am I feel detached from my body, my life, my mind I can't offer an explanation for my actions I can't tell people how I feel, because honestly I don't know..it changes from moment to moment But I do know, that this time next year..law school here I come I have faced harder challenges, tougher obstacles This year is nothing One year of hell, for a lifetime of bliss...god only knows.and he will guide me. |