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By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Oct 07 Comment on this Work [[2002.10.07.20.01.4238]] |
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Up it all comes solid or liquid, good and bad I feel it collect at the back of my throat and I spit it out, gently, quietly, with ease Why did I just do that? is it because I'm lonely, because I'm worried my whole life seems to be going wrong right now how do i collect all the shattered pieces and put it back together again? It was everything that I had eaten in the past 3 hours from pizza rolls to a burrito, to life cereal what an ironic name for a cereal symbolically, i am throwing my life down the toilet..lol Morbidly, i find this whole situation to have made me feel better for a brief second i was in touch with my body in touch with my pain, and i felt it flood up and leave my body as quickly as it came Why do i feel now like I just completed the biggest sin yet when I step on the scale, i can't help but smile i am rid of all the excess food i just consumed now I am free, in control, and a good person it's funny how mia convinces you that if you don't get rid of all the 'bad stuff' you eat that you're bad that if you for once don't use a laxative 20 lbs will instantly pile on you that your pants will no longer fit and that the masses will no how little self-control you really have what pisses me off more than anything are the people who spread rumors about me stop it, i have more horrible luck than you, i've gone through enough, leave me alone I can't take it anymore, instead, i just end up punishing myself for unforseen sins Why do i feel like such a huge sinner on days like today? why is my appetite unsatiable, why does my mind feel like its running a marathon without my permission once again..i've decided to stop this madness it gets me nowhere, and eventually i end up feeling worse, and having to repeat this losing cycle |