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By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Oct 07 Comment on this Work [[2002.10.07.20.10.11601]] |
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Blue eyes seeks to remember the good ole days when grandpa was healthy, happy, and loud as ever now his carefree attitude is replaced by two bad ears and a heart monitor with a constant fear that he is going to have an episode that will leave him unable to recover Why am I so selfish? I can't believe that i decided three years ago that I didn't want to be around family, that I needed my freedom what if he dies? what will I do then? God, he cries every time I leave and I see the fear in his eyes when he realizes that he may not be around forever my grandma and i took him for granted and now he's going to leave us he won't be there when i walk down the aisle he won't see my children, and spoil them like he's always said he would instead, he is a shell of what he once was he can no longer whisper, laugh or reminisce with us I remember when my mami died, how my grandpa cried, but he kept us all together or when my mom got married, he cried, but he was strong and the way his eyes gleamed with pride as he handed me the keys to my graduation present or the way he smiled when I told him I would prove myself to anyone, cuz I wasn't a quitter The sound in his voice when I told him I was graduating or the way that he hugs me each time I come home or the silly way he waits up on me to make sure i'm safe i remember not so long ago, when he was too macho to tell me he loved me over the phone, not now he actually doesn't smoke, drink, or curse God anymore its the little things that I miss most when did he grow old? how much longer is God letting me have him for? he wants to see me walk up on stage in may and accept my diploma and see me get my acceptance letter to law school, and get my law degree he wants to walk me down the aisle, and look upon the face of my first born he's always said i'm his angel, his little girl, but when he goes will i be able to sprout wings and fly from this immense pain? |