|
By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Nov 29 Comment on this Work [[2002.11.29.22.25.3747]] |
|
Who am i when you look at me what do you see do you see a person that doesn't even deserve the lowliest scum am i truly that bad i used to believe that i was a bad person unworthy of even nourishment but i got past that but i never got past the need to isolate myself from others, from relationships somehow you crumbled my wall then you left it shattered around me for me to rebuild to hide myself once again you made me so happy now you have decided to turn from me who am i the one who can never keep people close to her, for fear of rejection, of pain pain and rejection have followed me all my life i ache with sadness every night i honestly believed that sisterhood meant eternal friendship how could you do this to me you don't even know who i am who are you to judge me to decide that what i'm going thru is insignificant to call me psycho I've been thru a lot but it doesn't really matter because every person that has ever hurt me, had reason to i really believe that for every wrong thing that i've done, i've been punished but you dont' know who i deserve and who i don't in fact, i don't gossip about you, or tell lies please at least be a good non friend and don't mention me instead of tarnish my reputation with lies to do that is like opening all my wounds all over again wounds that will never fully be healed my whole life i've been betrayed, scorned, and the subject of ridicule do you know what that's like i do have family, but even they are full of insults, at times until i got skinny, and then sick and made them wake up and realize that i wasn't their perfect child that i wanted to end this blissful life on earth every man that i've ever known has hurt me in some way i have no real relationship with my mother and all my relationships are in some sense dysfucional i can never fully depend on anyone but me i have an obsession with food i feel dirty about the whole sex issue-cuz i've been taken advantage of and my body is not a temple, but a disgrace which is why i seek to hide it so far from your view do you know what that feels like or to love someone so much, then to let them go if you knew, you wouldn't be doing this to me don't judge me don't even be jealous of me you think i have so much but in fact, i have so little, because i despise myself more than my worst enemy in fact, i am my own worst enemy every day when i look in the mirror the battle is on one of us must lose, and one of these days, without love and support, i may let her win who am i? i'm strong, i'm agile, and i'm a good person if you actually knew me, you wouldn't dare spread rumors about me how sad are you to try to bring me down don't call yourself friends of mine, if you can't be as true to me as i am to you what ever happened to 'thine own self be true' there's only one person who truly knows me and guess what it's not you i am the most unselfish person when it comes to friends maybe the reason i'm not tight with you is because i have bigger goals and i realize the meaning of sacrifice my whole life: if you were my friend, you would know that i would sacrifice my life for your happiness |