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By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Dec 05 Comment on this Work [[2002.12.05.20.42.20130]] |
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Goodbye to Buffy To me, she will no longer exist her existence is no longer needed I have allowed her to remain for too long, I've sheltered her from destruction for too long I have allowed her doubts, insecurities to haunt me, to destroy me I almost lost some of the most important people in my life because i was too afraid to try, to let go but now, i am ready They say that you can't do anything until you are truly ready I'm ready now It wasn't just him that kicked in high gear it was a combination of everything Of how people honestly viewed me How I've viewed myself for so long and for all the things in my life that i've made excuses about because I thought that it saved me from being a complete and utter failure But, I lied I lied every single time I made excuses for the reasons I felt a certain way the real reason: I'm a coward who fears imperfection and failure above all else and by shielding myself from reality, i've done just that goodbye to buffy she has hindered my development for so long she has allowed me to seek outlet in things that don't provide relief throwing up isn't healthy, and it isn't an outlet it's an immature way to deal with issues I can't bear but no longer will i seek to shove issues down, and bring them up with an experienced finger to make my throat bleed, to make my teeth decay goodbye bulimia depression has bound me in chains for a couple of years now it has kept me from realizing my true inner beauty it has kept me from getting close to anyone it has lied to me about my whole entire existence no longer will i be bound my perfection or by feeling out of place i belong here just as much as anyone else, and i don't need to be sad goodbye depression anxiety keeps me up at nights taunting me by what i should aspire to become fuck that, if i may say so i want to be happy, so goodbye anxiety i'm a beautiful person and i'm going to get better the only way i can do that is to let go to trust and to know that this life only goes around once i'm not hiding my feelings completely and i'm not hiding myself anymore i'm not keeping it inside i'm letting buffy die tonite she is no longer my escape she is dead, gone, a part of my past my past is over, and i'm dealing with that goodbye to the past as well i'm a new person i'm beginning a new leg of my life right now i almost lost the person that i truly care for because of all this bullshit, i almost ended my life he couldn't deal with my intensity not that i blame him she is gone now, let me show you take my hand, and guide my heart, you are all that i trust lead me down the right path you, me, and God let us go together on a journey, without her goodbye to buffy she served her purpose for the time she was in my life she shouldered all my doubts, all my hurts, all my pain she kept mark interested in me how fucked up to want him how fucked up to believe that my whole existence rested on his approval he was nothing and i was the flame, he was the moth attracted to me, to her, otherwise known as buffy which is why i must say goodbye, buffy |