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By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Dec 05 Comment on this Work [[2002.12.05.21.03.7813]] |
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Fucked up these two words describe you better than any other words i've found i used to believe that i could save you that if i tried hard enough, i could take all your pain away but nothing I ever did seemed to make you smile you would always sneer at me and make me miserable despite all that i did for you i even took your abuse how fucked up of you to think that you had the right to treat me this way to lead me down this path, and then abandon me you need to grow up, and get your life straightened out to forget your past sorrows, and live for today Why did you pick me was it really so obvious that i was vulnerable i didn't need you but you needed me i wanted to help you to love you but you took my heart and sliced it in many pieces and ate it before my very eyes you took all parts of me that made me proud, unique, confident and belittled me about them one by one and i became ashamed, confused, fucked up i was like a rare gem back then i believed in the goodness of all people i believed you were a good person and i loved you and believed i could help you you were like a wounded bird with a broken wing that never learned to fly, nor never learned to try instead you kept making me cry by pecking me with your rough, uncaring beak i wasn't depressed before you i didn't feel the pressures of life's hatred before you you were a poor little rich kid with no compassion for others but somehow i saw you as misunderstood i saw that you really liked me i know that once you loved me in fact, you still might but somewhere along the way i should have told you no i should have told you to fuck off what was i thinking instead i tried to mold myself into the girl you wanted i ate too little, took too many diet pills, and threw up the rest i tried to be popular, not to cry as my world shattered from all your unkind words i took your shit, then smiled about it what was going on in your head to think you had the right what made me think you had the right you were fucked up and once i met you, i became fucked up too god, i didn't deserve that what made me hold out for you, for so long you are so obsessed with me, that you have destroyed my life you have made me hate myself i gave you so much power and for that i will never forgive myself every relationship i enter, i'm scared it will mirror our fucked up quasi-relationship did you realize my value--is that why you tried to kick me down you hurt me mentally, physically, and emotionally i gave you more chances than you'll ever get from anyone don't expect anymore then, you have the nerve to im me the other night what were you thinking what was i thinking for a split second, i thought things would be different but, again, you are playing mind games one of these days, you'll realize what you lost when it's too late i would never give you another chance in hell i just wish the man i love, would give me another chance as quickly as i gave you one you can dish it out, but you can't take it i'm sorry you lost your mom but you had no issues before that if i hurt you half as bad as you hurt me, you would have killed yourself because you're weak like that do you know how many nights i went home and ate myself to death and cried my weight wasn't a joke..don't lie you weren't good enough for me and it's only through hind sight that i see i'm over you, it took years, but now that it's here there's no where else i'd rather be thoughts of you are non-existent i don't long to know how you are, to talk to you, wait for you im you are my past that i'm letting go like all other parts of the past move on, mark, cuz i have just realize that true love could have been yours if you weren't so fucked up if you hadn't treated me the way you did you were so immature, selfish, and unappreciative of what i did for you but now it's too late and you really can't go back so i hope one day when you're all my yourself that a memory of me smiling on you the first day of sixth grade comes up and i hope you smile, i hope you laugh, but most of all i hope you cry, with regret because you missed out on one of the most sincere, honest loves you would ever have had i could have completed you I could have given you all my heart but you were too afraid to try, to selfish to ask, and to immature to treat me like the person i was now..nothing you could do..can make me ever feel that way for you again maybe it was naive of me to honestly believe i could heal you with love to change your hurt into happiness but just know..it was fucked up of you to let someone like me pass you by, cuz you'll never get a chance like that again |