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By Misti Date: 2003 Jan 02 Comment on this Work [[2003.01.02.04.23.31142]] |
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When I got home from work on New Year's Eve Cookie Bear had the disco light going and some disco song was playing on the computer. We danced around a little bit, acting goofy, and then I got ready and we headed to town. I wanted to go to Hooter's but it was closed. We'd always wanted to try Billy's Long Bar but it sucked. We walked in and walked out. Young crowd, sucky music, no food. We drove all over town looking for a pub. Finally found a Bennigan's. I gorged myself on buffalo wings and chicken fajitas. Washed it all down with a salty Tecate. We had a decent time. When we came home I got an IM from my cousin Holly. She said,"Happy New Year!" I didn't know we had missed the countdown. In years past I've always made a huge deal out of the countdown...blowing a horn, tossing confetti, toasting the TV screen, running around the block. I wanted to go to the desert and have a ritual but Chris thought that was lame. I wanted to burn slips of paper. I had a ritual one year when I was all alone. I think it was NYE 1998. Yeah, it was. I lit a bunch of candles and wrote down my goals for 1999 and burned slips of paper on which I had written things about 1998 that I wasn't proud of. 1999 turned out to be a very eventful year, full of magic and horror. I moved to San Antonio (briefly), Austin (even more briefly) and Bridgeport, where I stayed until the spring of 2000. I fell in love or something similar with a guy I met at Polly Esther's (a retro/disco club in Austin). He was an Army lieutenant stationed at Fort Sill in Lawton, Oklahoma. We dated for about six months. I fell for him but he didn't fall for me. He was still in love with his ex-wife and he didn't like my cooking or the way I walked. I also lost my favorite uncle to lung cancer in August of 1999. The night after the funeral when I was feeling more alone than usual I got a call from my old friend Chase. We met in kindergarten, he escorted me in a beauty pageant when we were seven, and we dated briefly our senior year of high school. I was crazy in love with the guy for most of a decade. When he called me I was in love with Brian. But Brian didn't bother sending flowers to my grandparents, even though he had stayed in their home more than once, and he wouldn't drive down from Lawton to be with me that horrible weekend. So when Chase called, I put on my makeup (extra kohl and lipgloss) and danced around to "Goody Two Shoes" by Adam Ant as I prepared to cheat on my boyfriend. I drove to Hurst and spent the night with Chase. It wasn't magical like I had always thought it would be in my daydreams and phone sex fantasies. It was probably the worst sex of my life, actually, because it wasn't felt. There was no emotion. When it was over he held me and I let him for maybe five minutes. I finally asked him if I could have a towel for the bath. We slept far apart that night. He commented that I slept in the same position as he did and asked me if I wanted a gun. I think he was offering to give me one because I was always talking about how I wanted one so badly. I was very remote. The next morning we didn't speak. It was awful. I felt like I had just had a one-night stand with a stranger, and I'd known the guy longer than I'd ever known any of my other friends. So in 1999 I moved around a lot, fell in love, lost my uncle, had sex with an old friend I soon lost to disenchantment, got dumped, and worked as a reporter/photographer for the Bridgeport Index and Chico Texan. Doesn't sound like much, I guess, but if you knew how I had spent the three previous years of my life, 1999 was like "Gone With the Wind" meets "The Real World" for me. It was one of the most memorable years of my life. I felt fully aware and alive. I ached with ebullience and despair. Every new day was a new epiphany. I slept in a bedroom bathed in blue light. I wrote Like, Sure on my dresser mirror in red lipstick and painted my old rotary phone with several bottles of nail polish. I danced away some demons and disturbed the neighbors. I invoked hatred in an entire town with my yellow journalism and liberal views. What will 2003 bring. New Year's Day was not a good indicator. We stayed in bed all day. Sleeping. We eventually had sex and it was more fun than usual. But then I ruined the afterglow with a stupid statement. I made the comment that I feel like I have Bill Clinton in me. Red flags went up. Chris is still paranoid because of the hell I put him through last summer. I told him that I'm easily attracted to various people. The whole thing got blown out of proportion. We had at least three yelling matches tonight at various times. At one point I was trying to wrestle a can of Coors out of his hand. I threatened to throw the dessert plate I made for him across the room if he didn't let go. I made Chris so mad I could see that he wanted to hit me. I was crazed. We kissed and made up, as always. I can't tell him that I find other human beings attractive and he can't drink Coors in front of me. Auld lang syne. |