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By lilla Date: 2003 Mar 12 Comment on this Work [[2003.03.12.03.27.13725]] |
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It's a little over 9:30 p.m., alone and worst .... sad. Sad over Stevie. Please when I'm done with this crazy/beautiful feeling, show me this tear-jerking missive, ok. One, to tell me that things like this happened not so long ago, and second, to tell me that I got by. The feeling and the getting by would remind me that it was a beautiful experience after all. Beautiful because it kept me grounded, and that I am still capable of falling in love, the wanting to share it, the glowing in hope, the dropping weight, the dreadful waiting for a really cheesy SMS, the freaking out, the goofing out (the uncoolness of paranoia), the biting pain, the giving up, the getting by, the moving on, the reminiscing. Hey, guys ..... it's all part of being human. Falling in love like crazy stupid is certainly a very humanizing experience. There is nothing shameful about it. Sometimes nature and destiny must get in the way. Perhaps, to remind us of that feeling we oftentimes avoid, look down upon, and even detest. That familiar feeling that often times gets lost in the midst of our busy lives, of our over-rated egos, of our highly demeaning standards, of the many loves that we've lost in the not so distant past. Loving, losing and coping up give meaning to living. It sizes up our being, and eventually, if you come to think about it, it actually harnesses our character. We're always better off afterwards, right? The one with Stevie, I must say, was a totally spectacular slant of a story. I gambled on something I was not really certain of. I allowed myself to be lured by my own interpretations. Can we rationalize or in simple terms explain WHY this should be happening NOW? Or WHY in this condition? And WHY him and not some other guy? And for WHAT purpose really? WHEN and WHERE does it end? Gee, we all do not have the answers in our hands. My mind is infinite, my heart utterly immense. Of course, I hope as I hope to get the answers exactly the way I want them to be, but hell no, we all know, we don't always get things .... our way. From that time on, I anticipated pain but never, never humiliation. As I told you guys, earlier on, it is always good to do good. To love is good. Always. Regardless of the results. Do I want more of this? Of him? I wish I don't. But I know inside me I do. Will I ever get it? Him? Sadly, at times, I have that really funny feeling I won't. Do I, then, go on wanting and wishing for it? Him? Let's put it this way, guys ............ ....... it has been beautiful. May be sad at the meantime, but as I always, always say, this too shall pass. We all get awaken from one beautiful dream, don't we. ***what else is beautiful ..... everytime I get revisited by this old feeling, I find myself in the company of really, really good, wonderful, trusted friends. It has always been like that. I must say that God is really good. He provides the circumstances to discover new friendships, and even refresh old ones. Yeah right, after all this lengthy flirtatious drama, my life is made complete by special people like you, and this friendship we share. Thanks, huh. (bottomline: just asking permission to text him again, ha, ha, ha ... ) |