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By RainbowChaser Date: 2003 Apr 10 Comment on this Work [[2003.04.10.14.16.29603]] |
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I sit here calmly and realize that my life is finally taking a positive turn that i don't care about past failures in my life and that i'm ready and willing to move on i've realized how precious life can be how someone can take away all your happiness in the blink of an eye with no remorse i'm understanding the true meaning of the search for revenge and i'm avenging all past evils i'm standing up for myself and i'm liking it is this how i'm supposed to feel i bounce from one extreme to another i find it impossible to face the morning sometimes even harder to be alone but i feel this biting in my soul whenever i'm noticed i just want to disappear to slip through the cracks like i have done for so long or so i thought but people notice me and sometimes it angers me other times it makes me happy and i can't help but smile realizing that my spirit is in total turmoil but i refuse to lie down both figuratively and literally never again will i be a victim the word victim has such negative connotations for me i've always been a victim and been content to submit to this title praying that someone would be my hero that i could subscribe to the stereotypical female role but it's too late for that now i'm on top of the world i've been made to see the light because i came so close to the utter abyss of darkness is this how i'm supposed to feel happy, then sad smiling, then angry needing companionship, then hating all men my brain is in a constant tailspin i miss my ex boyfriend then i hate him for bailing on me leaving me to deal with this burden on my own to swallow this lump of reality wedged so deep in my throat i can scarcely speak nor do i want to i want to tell him that i love him, and need him now more than ever but to do that is to admit weakness, inferiority dependence on men and after saturday morning i vowed to be a women for life to no longer be swayed by the intentions of men why should i be ashamed of sex just because it was used against me why should i let someone abuse my body when i do it so skillfully on my own am i supposed to feel this way everything's normal, fair game, expected but somehow just when i think i've won i'm thrown another curveball and left to ask, is this how i am supposed to feel |