|
By Misti Date: 2003 Jun 16 Comment on this Work [[2003.06.16.07.09.8176]] |
|
sleeping soundly after kissing you goodbye snuggled warm safe then jolted into superawareness by the eerie message on the machine a tinny recording of "He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones a song that has always freaked me out maudlin country songs always bother me but that song in particular makes me think thoughts I'd rather not think and I am on the brink, suddenly after calling everyone I know sending you a frantic IM I need a PM to get back to sleep I will go to work haunted and hungover because I am that fragile that easily hurtled into the abyss the delicate skin beneath my right eye is still raw from the stressful phone call I took at work last night I scratched my eye with ragged nails because I had already torn my hair out and mouthed a litany of mute curse words at the screen and all the psychiatrists aren't taking new patients I've been through two at this point I'll be commuting to Santa Fe to get those refills since without the pills I am a creature you cannot stay married to and I was only half-joking when I asked you to adopt me so that if we ever divorce we will still be bound I have found God and Santa Claus and the elusive end of the rainbow in you and I am crying because my need is overwhelming and if you were to die that would be the last loss I could stand and I would no longer fight to survive. |