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By Misti Date: 2003 Sep 29 Comment on this Work [[2003.09.29.03.19.2809]] |
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my younger brother shows me the dent on the passenger side of his new car finally confesses how it happened he was driving drunk down Central with some guy he knew from work and suddenly and I don't know why they began throwing wadded up pages of the Alibi at some homeless guy taking up space on the sidewalk a passerby retaliated by throwing a bottle of some kind at the door I've never been didactic with my brother so I managed an incredulous laugh that I didn't really feel didn't point out the obvious that driving drunk is never a good idea especially down Central and littering is moronic especially when the litter is aimed at human beings especially when the human beings have no defense against the world they must apologize to daily for the pollution of their presence I love my brother because when we were living in a government owned apartment in Wichita Falls with our single mom and sister he was a sad big eyed toddler in diapers and cowboy boots sucking his thumb and tugging on his hair as I read him Little Golden books and gave the animals funny voices my bond with my brother is supernatural I learned this the night I had a nervous breakdown on the dining room floor in the dark drowned out by the football game blasting televison in the den my brother sensed my distress and came to me praying over me to the god he fervently believed in with his hand on my back I've cried for my brother wondering if he was alive the day we learned he was AWOL from basic training somewhere on the road in Georgia and I have worried brokenhearted with my mom and sister all the times Dustin had taken off again without explanation or destination I have prayed to the god I don't really believe in begging please oh please don't let my brother be dead please oh please don't let my brother ever hurt so badly that he contemplates ending his own life and I've seen my brother a lonesome cowboy without the ranch rejected by our father and grandfather and every woman he's ever dated driving his truck through the black yawning night with nothing but Hank Williams tapes for company and I have seen my brother's empty pantry and I have brought him bags of food and he has bought me Chinese food in Santa Fe and given me comfort as I've told him about my latest nervous breakdown or the latest lost job my brother visited me when I was on vacation in Memorial still digesting the charcoal they made me drink in the ER he gave me a big bag of Nacho Doritoes and a Coke and a hug so I cannot reprimand or teach my brother lessons even when I should I cannot ask him probing questions or say What The Fuck Were You Thinking??? I cannot bear to see my brother flinch. but when he asks me Don't Homeless People Get On Your Nerves? I tell him no I tell him I'm homeless, too living on the charity of my husband and my family and the happenstance of life balancing like any alcoholic or junkie or prostitute or schizophrenic on the same sorry pile of shit. |