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By Misti Date: 2004 Aug 13 Comment on this Work [[2004.08.13.20.02.781]] |
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SCENE ONE (that cheesy "Escape"/pina colada song is playing) Sammy: Dude, I need to get laid. Marco: I thought you put a personal ad in the Alibi, dude. Sammy: Dude, I did and I got zero results. I'm thinking of killing myself or maybe moving to Denver. I hear they have more chicks in Denver. And they all have big boobs and blonde hair and they have money and shit. Marco: Okay. Don't do anything drastic. Let's figure this shit out. I've written some personal ads in my time and gotten some pretty decent results. Let's take a look at your ad. Sammy: Okay, here it is."I am a man. I am white. I am single. I am well-hung. I am horny. You must be a woman. You must have a vagina. You must be horny, too. You must be willing to have sex with me." Marco: Dude, that sucks. No wonder you didn't get any responses. You've got to say shit like "sensitive man with a lot of love to give seeks soul mate." Sammy: What? Marco: Sammy, why don't I write the ad for you? I would like to see you get laid. Sammy: You ain't gonna watch me getting laid, Marco. That's sick. That's some sort of fetish or something. Are you gay? Marco: No. I am not gay. If I was gay, you would be in no danger. I didn't mean I want to watch you have sex, dumb ass. I meant I want you to hook up. I don't want you to kill yourself or move to Denver. That would suck. I wouldn't have anyone to hang out with while I'm looking for chicks. Sammy: Oh, okay. Cool. Marco: Okay. Here's your ad. This ad will get you laid. Guaranteed. "Are you tired of all the games? Are you tired of having drunken sex with guys you meet in bars and clubs who never call you back after they've had sex with you just one time? Do you like sunsets, little furry dogs, Olive Garden and candlelit hot oil massages? Then I am the one for you. Please don't leave me waiting. I ache for your presence." Sammy: Damn, that's really good. You really think that will do the trick? Marco: If that doesn't do the trick, I don't know what will. |