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By Misti Date: 2005 Apr 11 Comment on this Work [[2005.04.11.12.39.5641]] |
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the trouble with girls: they scare the hell out of me. ever since sixth grade when Anna and Amy and Tanya turned their backs on me told me horrible things about myself I was vain and stuckup and evil they turned all the other girls against me I sat alone on a swing dragged my shoes in the West Texas dirt so in college I paid for my friends I was the lush of Omega Xi the clown no one could get close to my best friend didn't attend college she worked as a cashier in a grocery store and sold roses on the side in clubs and restaurants in Austin and San Antonio her poems sucked but she had a good heart she fed me when I was starving gave me advice on the guy I stupidly adored from afar and this year was the horror of making new friends for the first time in years and losing them all one by one because of a poison pen e-mail sent to one Christine Jackson I didn't just shut the door I fucking slammed it screamed in big bold blood red letters with sharp points HELL NO THIS WILL NOT BE ALLOWED so no more funny funny Flavia with her pep talks and sex advice where to buy the best porn and best lubricants no more Wild Oats bags overflowing with magazines for my collages no more Rich and Lisa who I never really knew, anyway one double date at Buca di Beppo's then no more calls but Saturday night I was kidnapped by Anna gorgeous and down-to-earth with eclectic taste in music we partied at Exhale on her boyfriend's Visa hung out with Jenna who licked Anna's cleavage and Melissa and Lisa a hot lesbian couple who have been together for a year "but that's ten years in lesbian time," Melissa told me I told them in an apologetic tone that I felt like an anthropologist as I watched the bull dykes with mullets dirty dancing to bad music Lisa told a chick at the bar that I was getting married to a MAN that shit was not to be believed self-conscious in my silver sequined skirt and huge dangling silver hoop earrings I let the girls buy me drinks all night long one Corona two shots of Cuervo three Long Island Ice Teas later I was crawling on the pavement at Taco Cabana being laughed at by carloads of Mexicans Anna got my fiance on her cell told him she couldn't handle me could he please pick me up then there was puke and expletives a missing purse a bloody thumb in bed wishing for death until eleven o'clock last night but I've lost some weight the hard way like a regular bulimic Tina Fey once said girls are more vicious than boys they don't beat each other up just bully each other into eating disorders and I've shown my new girlfriends that the poems are no exaggeration. |