|
By aparajita Date: 2005 Oct 01 Comment on this Work [[2005.10.01.21.57.4065]] |
|
i want to not want anymore, and therein lies the paradox. because in not wanting to want, i am still ultimately wanting. i desire to not desire anymore... i need to not need anymore... there are days when i still can feel attractive, granted they are few and far between. there are days when i even can admit to feeling desirable and possibly sexy in some sensuously sultry manner. you awakened both the beauty and the beast of my inner self. most days i just feel all dressed up with no place to go. but, go i must if only to keep running from the loneliness so evident without you in my life. i think of you way too often. my fantasies and dreams disrupt my days and create chaos in the solitude of my bed. my bed, a place that once was my sanctuary now imprisons me as i wait for daylight and a reason to keep going. awake or asleep i dream of you. wanting. desiring. needing. the sound of your voice, the words you said, the way you smile, the way you look boldly into my eyes and my soul, the feel of your lips brushing up against mine... how did you break down my self-protective barriers and neutralize all my defenses? and, why? |