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By briana kassia Date: 2006 Apr 12 Comment on this Work [[2006.04.12.10.17.26611]] |
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My dearest love, You are such a light in my life, you illuminate so much that was dark or dim. I have hope for the future, and faith in us. All along, you have said you sees something great in me, a person I have only glimpsed. She is beautiful and loving and caring and kind... Kind. Me? For so long, I have had to wear all kinds of emotional armour. Life has been battle after battle. Now, at long last, I have been able to take it off, and am discovering the woman under the warrior. You're right, although how you saw me under all that, I'll never know. You've waited for me for so long... and when I felt safe enough... and knew that the armour I had worn for so long was constricting me, cutting off my ability to breathe freely, to feel anything, you were there to help me unbuckle it, slowly, and step out into a larger world, a much more beautiful and loving place than I had ever known was there. You tell me that I have helped you remember the man you want to be. I have always seen you as a strong, protective, good man, a romantic soul who deserves love and cherishing, sweetness and passion and giving. I am coming to the realisation that I have helped you out of your armour, too. You are a long way away, both physically and temporally, but we connect every single day: a phone call, an email, a yahoo chat, or in game, usually some combination of all of these. With every contact, I feel your love, I feel closer to you and more in love with you. For a while, I was worried that I was fixing on you because you were so far away: it was safe to have a boyfriend many miles and hours away, that I felt safer without the threat of real emotional reliance on you, recalling how often I have felt stirrings for someone far away and almost persuaded myself it was love. But god... the truth of it is, I never knew what love could be until you. Part of me finds that pathetic, that at the age of thirty-five, I should be falling in love for the first time, and it is humbling to have to realise that every time before was lust or desire, but misplaced hope, regardless. You are it. You are the real thing, and furthermore, the cynic in me is dying by degrees. That amazing elation you make me feel isn't fading, it's growing deeper and more, every day. I love you, Scott. Yours, always and all ways, *Briana* |