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By lilla Date: 2006 Sep 02 Comment on this Work [[2006.09.02.08.05.5883]] |
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You asked. I got edgy. I had questions --- unsatisfied. why do you have to ask? why do you have to know? even if t'was really about you. and so what if most of them knew. i was in hiding for two years --- and you never had a clue. what now was the difference? or the indifference? obscure intentions. such ambiguity pushed my-poor-confused-self into a much deeper perflexity. i was on a disadvantaged. but then i needed to make something useful out of the most awkward moments in all of my 36 years in this planet. 'twas such an ordeal. i felt i was being held hostage for my own sacred feelings. it felt no less than emotional rape as you pushed yourself between my intimate thoughts of you and the clever yet unoriginal camouflage everyone bought including you. you wanted the ball so badly, alright, so there you go. it was all yours now. but when you got the ball in your hands, i was taken aback by your indecision on what to do with the ball. do you shoot it, dribble it, take it, make it, keep it, or throw it away? what for? .... when you were already dating a new girl. why then? .... when you are back with the old girl. may be just to keep you sane --- how about mine? they say, 'twas ego, but I've got pride , too you know. or perhaps that perennial issue to save a friendship that was once there or never there. tell me when its too late. i am left convincing myself to understand you. left alone persuading myself to believe only you. and yes, i am decided to keep the words you gave that fateful thursday night. irrevocable. don't look at me with those eyes. yes we meet in hallways a thousand times but I don't see you anymore. my vision of you pierces thru your silhouette. yes we talk but i am not hearing you anymore. your voice is a mere sound that passes through my ears. and nah, I am not talking, listening, seeing you anymore. yes, let us both try all humanly possible. all. just all. ill go this way. you go take that path now. i pray for no crossroads in wide highways. i prefer dark alleys with dead ends. and walk this alone without you. |