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By lilla Date: 2006 Nov 11 Comment on this Work [[2006.11.11.06.05.19837]] |
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Why does it seem that you hate me, and why does it seem that I am angry at you It gets too frustrating really. We get closer each day that it seems we’re both passed whatever happened months ago. But a much closer look tells us that we’re not. It seems that my very presence burns you. You make me feel like an ugly, bad, little girl who deserves to be hated than loved. I wish I could tell you how it kills me to feel that you love to hate me, baby. I have been trying to understand that. Your presence burns me, too. I guess, more my fault than yours. And so I think that, its wrong for me to say that I am angry at you ‘cuz as I ponder and strip myself with all the pretensions I end up furious with myself instead of you. Frustration eats up the best in man. Anger is just a manisfestation. Unfortunately, the one I care about was an easy target. I must be a really lousy lover. Im sorry for this, baby. Denver was a test case. I tried my best to be real nice. Oh shit ….. I don’t even have a reason to be there ….. instead to be with you … support you in any way I can. Make amends. But I got lost somewhere. I flew to Oregon with the usual wishful, lustful thoughts of you. Worst … I came home burying my mom….. and still not having you, or us. Life stinks sometimes. I was waiting for the Denver snow … I was thinking …. if we could …. like just …. or may be ….. you would just … or perhaps … me like …. or us in that …. bullshit …. let us just write about this. My journal. Your poetry. “Why does it seem that u hate me, and why does it seem that I am angry at you?” The flight home was long, tiring, tearful, fearful ….. I believe we both know the fucking answer to that now. I hate to say this and am really sorry to disappoint you .... i love you still, babe. (let's just both live with that). |