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By lilla Date: 2007 Apr 28 Comment on this Work [[2007.04.28.10.49.29516]] |
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Remember Thursday night. Zero four may twenny o’six. He dated this girl. Went back with that girl. That was indeed a merry month of May. And the year that was, a whole round and back of flirting with all the other skirts Except you. Read again his SMS accusing you for implicating your friends. And that phone call sometime November where he charged you of some alleged “damsel in distress” drama that put him a bad light as you allegedly attempt to get all the sympathy. Didn’t he miss your birthday twice in a row. Did you get anything last Christmas? Was he concern when you lost your mother or more worried on the cost of money for fedex? Recall the cold shoulders in Denver. At least he invited you for breakfast --- but didn’t you pay for that? Remember this --- he never asked you to stay, not in his room, not for a night. On your last day, wasn’t he in a rush to leave for the convetion as you were checking out. You wished he’d look back but he never did. Did he ever spend a peso to text you? Or dial your number may be? Not a single of those silly forwarded emails from him. So why the hell do you expect youd get a reply to any of your mails to him. Not even when you were trying to tell him some situation, and missed your pleas for help. Did he ever ask if you were hungry or may be invite you for coffee? Nah, he’ll bring anyone but still never you. February was the apex of tribulation. Was he ever worried about your condition or the reasons behind the troubled mind? You lost so much that evening … and as if mattered to him. Think ugly. Think all the bad things. Stop painting that picture you sent to loveblender. Think just think how he painlessly smeared it. Its cruel to state the obvious especially when the obvious hurts. Its bad enough that he never liked you. Its worse even that he never really cared about you. Not as a lover, not as a friend. But didn’t he tell this to your friends in several occasions? And didn’t your friends tell you this in several circumstances. And yet you chose to be entrapped in your imaginings. There were efforts for this girl, that girl, and those girls. But he never moved for you for the simple reason that he never wanted to, again for a much simpler reason that he never had feelings for you. This is a fact you cannot deny. Having said all these, you never really see your heart broken simply because you lured silly self to believe otherwise and cling to hope that he loves you somehow. But then may be just may be, if you try a little harder to accept reality while you will find your honest little heart wounded, I just think perhaps it would be easier to let go shortly afterwards. You dont listen to your friends. So now I am talking to you. Myself. And may be just may be … this time … Ill take heed as it becomes more agonizing and unbearable to see pieces of my once beautiful happy self bleed for something that was never there. I know this one hurts --- it was meant to. So now I beg, go break that heart… leave quick … and start healing. Postcript~ Myself shall remember always what was lovely --- that feeling. Nah, baby please don’t say that you were bad, twas just unfortunate (at least for me) that you never loved me back. Not loving back was neither your fault nor mine. Life is just like that. At times its not mutual. Some times its never meant to be consummated. You don’t owe me anything. I hold no grudge. And even if it seems to be impossible for us to be friends again, hey don’t sweat, please start wearing that smile again, for all the important people your in life ~ our friends, your family, your girl. It’s just lovely to have loved you, and think lovely too, that one time someone in your past was sincerely loving you. |