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By RainbowChaser Date: 2007 Aug 30 Comment on this Work [[2007.08.30.18.22.20480]] |
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Shame envelops the shriveled, self conscious body that I inhabit Hiding my face provides only temporary relief Shouting to the heavens for some sort of reprieve scorched tears of shame stream down my shameful existence Shameful because I have no talent Shameful because I admired you so much up until the very moment that you stabbed me in the heart Shameful because I sought to impress you to show you what I was capable Shameful because I tried to stand up for myself Ashamed for all that I am and all that I'm not I'm too fat yet I continue to eat to drown my shame Ashamed that you look right through me like garbage Ashamed that you don't recognize all my hard work, talent or even my character Shame is having your heart stomped on while its still inside you Shame is begging to be noticed- only to have the door slammed in your face Shame is shouting- but not being heard over the whisper of another Shame is being a good person- but being treated like a thief You did this to yourself you shout Are my flaws so easily seen Am I such a horrible person that none of my feelings matter the scarlet letter that I've worn since birth shames me I'm damaged goods and now everyone knows I've been violated and will continue to be violated I stand up for myself because no one else will and I am still made to feel unworthy Pain is a constant companion I long to disappear from this shame that follows me from false friends and numerous enemies enemies who peck at my eyes and my heart My heart is heavy from the shame of being who I am I am ashamed for all that I've done for causing so many violations upon myself for trying to be a good person I am ashamed that even god punishes me You did this to yourself You'll never be a trial lawyer These words I hear over and over as I dround the shame in the most shameful, unhealthy foods imaginable I long to stuff and release the pain or even to slice it away Somehow Someway I pray, God, Take me away from this pain, from this hurt Help me swallow this shame and embrace my pride Bur right now I know that shame and my scarlet letter for me being damaged goods will follow me all the days of my life |