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By lilla Date: 2007 Oct 29 Comment on this Work [[2007.10.29.11.58.27215]] |
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So now. I told myself its been awhile in loveblender. May be I should start writing about something really cheesy again. But then something significant was really going on with my li’l gurl. She’s been trying to tell me about it but … I kinda have a knack in fightin’ back realities ~ ~ ~ so not that I wanted a fistfight with biology …. Its just that am cheesy about her … she’s my baby and … she’s 10 … just 10. So now. Am in front of my most loved item in my life … my PC while she does her pedicure (on her own) as we both struggle to watch Big Brother House. Now lemme start with the kind of person my gurl Sophie’s gonna become after that “reality check” in the bathroom together. A very HONEST person … I suppose, in touch with herself and with others. Hey, she first found out about it with Leslie, her friend … yeah right … even before I got myself to accept it. I guess, that was a result of the regular shower-together-thing …. I never had that, shootsss, not even a slumber party. She was trying her best to tell me and convince me about that … I shifted myself to the babyworld. Like bang my head in the toilet wall while she’s trying to get hold of my feminine wash, askin’ me “Mom can I use this now?” “Use the baby soap honey, period.”… And so like change my napkin and whisper to myself “this aint happening … not now … not yet.” And that’s my problem not hers … yeah, I guess, that’s either reality or my conscience talkin’ --- I mean the last line here, silly! TRUSTING. That’s another trait she inhibits with all SINCERITY. Trusted her friend, trusted mommy. Of course, the “believing part” again is something I have to deal with myself and not with anyone else. Can I just thank God now for having to raise a 10-year old who knows when and whom to trust. And come face to face with a 37-aged woman who still contests. I asked her to sleep in her room. She decided to stay with me, in mine. She said mom, why cant you take it … I said I can … I just don’t want to darling. Why mommy? … she asked. “I don’t what you baby to grow up so fast.” “But why?” (lil gurl askin’ here) “Your world’s too wonderful,” I said. “Love it.” “And so mom, what’s the point?” “Ours too bad, baby. And you have the rest of your life to figure it out ... live it” (may be … just may be). (she want back to her pedicure) ( I went back to finish this).* *….oh fuck …. I think its better to do somethin’ cheesy next time. |