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By Lilla Date: 2008 Dec 17 Comment on this Work [[2008.12.17.10.49.608]] |
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15 December 2008, CITEM's Silver one rare evening. this does not happen anymore. we used to work in the same office but we were never in the same place, at the same time. or even if we were, we exist only each others eyes. he drove me away so i left. i now work in some other world unknown to me. i take the train to get there. hoping that i will last the day each day. 15 years of those twenny five. i came there to celebrate. occasions like this are more diffult now. when difficult reads impossible. we took two different corners. in a room full of familiar and not-so-familiar faces. if i remember it right, there was a sizeable dance floor, may be some 10 round tables, the scent of alcohol and smoke, we were in one frame, but still apart ... a huge chunk of space, between us and against us. alone in the crowd. the band was loud and jolly, the cold war upon us was long, deafening and heartbreaking. it was a sad predicament. if i could make a wish, my wish would be to undo history. if only i did not start it. turned off my feelings for him from the beginning that i felt it. held on to that secret for not just 2 years but forever. may be if i was less trusting of people. or that evening he asked me about it, i would have insisted with a lie. but this is just a wish. a silly one. i was happy. happy to see him again. happy to have him in one place and time again. i wanted to hug and kiss him just like what i normally do to all the people around us but never to him. or may be if i could have a moment in time, to hold his hand, press it closely on my chest without speaking a word. may be. bok was seriously funny. she leaped and grabbed my yellow butterfly face towel and used it to wipe his face with it. she was too fast for me. she didnt ask for my permission at all. she flew back to our table, and handed it to me ... my words ... "i will only clean and wash this piece of cloth pag naging kami na." that was dark satire ... so there goes the story of a towel that will never get laundry. :( i got south paws zero nine diary in my bag. i would have given it to virgini and discuss a script. a Christmas whatever that will come from her. my name unspoken. its still quietly painfully resting inside my pink penshoppe. he left early. he always does. he needs to. he wants to. i got home seven in the morning. with a burning fever. too much sadness and a little dose of happi gives you a flu. ive been thinking about him for two days after Silver ... this will linger as a memory forever. one rare evening with him. |