By Chrisom
Submitted by B.K.
Date: 2015 Apr 25
Comment on this Work

His Wedding Vows

This guy had the perfect vows.

"I will kill the spiders.
I will share my fries with you when you have
finished all yours and are still hungry.
I won't ever pop my collar.
I will never be rude to your tummy- when I hear it growl and gurgle,
I promise to bend down and reply respectfully.
I will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza.
I will kiss the paper cuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip.
I'll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies.
I will be the big spoon.
I will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times I will not.
I will send you random txts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever I want to. whenever I think you need one. or seven. I will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in.
I will hold your hand.
I will love you. I will love you. I will love you!"

by chrisom

Funny Wedding Vows from Officiant to the Bride

Do you promise to love, honor, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with the flatulence of, relinquish the remote to and with the toilet seat after until death do you part?

Funny Wedding Vows from Officiant to the Groom

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, and you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.