CAN YOU KEEP THE HONEYMOON ALIVE?
The Way I See It -- By Devin

I started out by wanting to write this fluffy "how to keep the honeymoon alive" piece and the more and more I thought about it, the more conflicted about the whole concept I kept getting. I mean, I've always been a romantic and I truly believe that there are certain things you should do to stay romantic and keep the passion alive. On the other hand, it's an awful lot of work and don't you think that just maybe it's a big conspiracy created by women? Can we as men ever really be romantic enough, passionate enough, mindful enough to please our woman? Remember that first kiss? How about the chase, the courtship, the lust? Remember those romantic walks and talks holding hands as you clamored to discover everything about each other. Don't you miss that? They sure do. Years later, you are sitting on the couch in your underwear and asking yourself (or better yet, being asked by your wife or significant other), where did the romance go? How come you don't buy me flowers anymore? How come we haven't been able to spend some romantic time together? I think it may have been T.S. Eliot that said, "If I tried to maintain that initial level of courtship, I'd die of exhaustion." Whoever said it, it remains true today, that us men are just too tired or too lazy to keep it all up (Freudian?). But the question remains, is it fair to expect us to? The answer is yes and no. We should keep it up for our emotional well-being and happiness as well as the happiness of the one we love. We shouldn't kill ourselves trying to be what we aren't, but we all have romance within our hearts, if we didn't, we wouldn't have a woman because we would have never won her heart to begin with. So there's no right answer about expectations, only a progression of thought and direction to travel for romantic awareness. We can't give up on romance; we have to remember it, acknowledge its' importance to us. We find it easy to get distracted by life's details, our jobs, family, that idiot that cut you off on the freeway, but without romance, your life is just going through survival motions. We must fulfill our responsibilities in life, pay the bills, take care of the children, do the "man thing" and provide, but we also have to provide emotional needs and be emotionally fulfilled ourselves in order to be truly happy and satisified. There is no true beauty in life but the romantic. The beauty and scent of a woman, the aroma of a rose, the shimmering of a sunset, the laughter of a child are all romantic notions. So lets be realistic and pragmatic for a moment. Our lives are surrounded by romance and we are missing out on the joy it can bring. What can we do about it? We can start by listening better. When she says I haven't had flowers in a long time, get her something, but don't do it right away, because then it's like it wasn't your own thought and she knows it. Personally, my problem is, I wait too long. She tells me her needs, wants and desires and I don't want to do it because I think, that she'll think, I'm only doing it because she asked me to. I create my own stupid vicious circle. Try to make time to spend together. Do something even if it's actually sitting at the table once in a while for dinner instead of at the couch and coffee table. Make time for more physical affection. It doesn't always have to be intercourse, rather spend some time cuddling in front of the TV, or cop a feel as you kiss before walking out the door. Plan some away time together. Take a day trip, have a picnic, go on an overnighter, or simply have a nice night out alone for dinner and a glass of wine. Do anything but sit home, every single night! Plan ahead and as a rule, this should be a minimum monthly if not more frequent. When my wife and I were "courting," she thought I was one of the most romantic men she'd ever met. Naturally, as a poet, I should be romantic. However, I'm just as guilty as John Doe when it comes to slipping into a routine. I'm vowing in front of you, my wife Stephanie and everyone else that reads this, that I'm going to work harder on living up to my romantic potential. Why? Because we all need to work harder in order to make our relationships and our lives better, happier, more passionate and more romantic. I promise you will actually find it rewarding and worth the actual minimal effort it takes. Now what should women do? I'll make this short and sweet. Realize that we are naturally lazy, even if we do seemingly work hard to survive. Realize that we do need a little prodding now and again to get moving. Sure, we whine and mope when you prod and complain the whole time, but the majority of the time, in our own minds, we are actually thankful afterwards because we ended up enjoying your suggestion and getting out and about, but don't ask us to admit it either, that will take some prodding too, because you know we are never going to admit we were wrong. It's just getting that initial inertia to move that's the hard part. Secondly, don't complain that you have to prod if the prodding works. Be thankful that we are at least trying to be responsive. Lastly, subtle (and not so subtle) hints are okay, but remember what I said earlier, once you hint, we feel like if we do what you are hinting at, that the backlash will be you stating, "you only did it because I told you to a thousand times." Therefore, drop a hint now and then, and give us time to react or come up with an alternate plan or surprise before you hint at all our options and leave us with nothing to do that would actually be a surprise or an original attempt. So there you have it, the honeymoon may be over, but the romance in our lives doesn't have to be. Men, get your wives some flowers and kiss her like it's the first kiss. Women, prod when you need to. Above all, communicate your love, laugh at each other, touch and kiss like you mean it and completely share your hearts and lives. That's the way I see it.