I read his first book, LOVE STORY, when I was all of 12...and I wanted to hunt the man down. Now if you're a gen x-er strong chance you never read the book---or even saw the movie that came after. But what you don't know is that It was the most HORRIBLE book ever written, in terms of long term emotional damage.
It sat on the best sellers lists for months---posters and silly figurines came out, that said things like "Love Is Never Having To Say You're Sorry". And generations were tainted by the emotional plutonium contained therein. After centuries of anguishing about the best way to persue love, we were all conned into buying the premise that love was somehow simple.
The story is pretty basic. Rich Boy meets Poor Girl. They fall in love,
despite opposition from his family, and marry. Love triumphs...A shadow
looms. The girl becomes ill...deathly ill...and dies while their love is
still in full bloom. The boy is left to continue on...sad and alone---but
somehow still whole through the power of her love. In between, Oliver and
Jenny have pithy conversations---and the buzz words that underlie every one
of our insecurities become set in concrete.
Allow me to explain. Oliver and Jenny have a few battles---but let's face it---they are short termers---have put in no real time, and the hard part of their lives is that Oliver is disowned by his anal retentive father. They both have to WORK to pay the rent. (Um...that sounds like real life to me.) Oliver calls his father "sir"---so we are clued into the emotional intimacy level pretty damned quick.
Aside from brainwashing people into thinking that love is some wonderful organic life form---not subject to human fraity and foiables, Seagall gives us this PERFECT love object. JENNY. Tough, scrappy Jenny---ever cheerful in the face of any dragon. But Jenny never spent a lifetime with Oliver---and when I think of them, I'm reminded of my first few years as half of a couple. Pretty damned Idylic. Nights and weekends are yours alone---and you can huddle and cuddle, and shut out life completely.
But somewhere,life and living HAPPEN. And when they do, love takes a hit in various ways. The problem with LOVE STORY is that you never really do the math. One plus one makes two. Two minus one is one. End of equation. They didn't have time to do much more than chat---and it was over.
Would Oliver have loved Jenny if she had lived? Or would he have decided that she had crappy taste in music? Would she have been able to stand his preppy roots, and his prediliciton for plaid? Would they have been able to survive her italian cooking? And they never got to spawning. No tension from trying to split yourself between children and your "primary relationship". Of COURSE they were the freaking ideal.
And of course, their tender and easy relatinoship, loaded up with catch phrases and buzz words made the rest of us feel stupid and inadequate. They held a shining grail of PERFECT love before us...and made real life seem shabby, at best. And even the folks who never read the book---or even HEARD of it took body blows for this.
Love Story was not merely a pop icon---it BRED pop icons, in psychology, feel good gurus, and the notion that we all just need to chill out---like that's something simple? But instead of raging at the man, I offer a few basic points.
1. Love is often ABOUT saying you are sorry. It's caring enough to step back from the hurt and confusion of a battle---and looking baldly at your own words and actions...not to find blame to assign---but so you'll know what part YOU played in the carnage.
2. We need to lose the "perfection concept of love"---that says one person will somehow be our all...and realize that love is not emotional putty or spackle to fill in our gaps.
3. We need to KNOW that love is neither bandage, nor kewpie doll---Not a quick fix, or a prize---and what makes people "stick" is not the depth of their love---but that they share the same basic concept of what it is.
4. We need to count the "other loves" in the equation---and acknowledge how they add---and subtract from the mix. NO man or woman is an island...or an atoll...somewhere we have to allow the person to be who they were when we fell in love. That meant they were part of a general population that helped them become who they are.
5. We have to allow for growing pains, and changes. We have to not hold things against each other---lest stuff get caught in the cogs..and make life a misery. Maybe love is the lubricant in the machine of life---easing the turn and passage of seasons.
But what we don't need is a book that makes us all feel like freaking morons and munchkins. So my suggestion for the perfect gift this Valentine's day? Toss a copy of Love Story on a cozy fire---and toast each other as it cooks...
Burn baby, burn....
with love, From Gala
