The calls have made me think about a lot of different things. Here's one that surprised me: while I know I'm over Rosetta (of K & R Carousel, it's dawning on me that she might represent the last time I went out on a romantic limb. In fact, and this is tough to admit, it might have cast a bit of a shadow over my marriage...
Like I write on the carousel:
Before I went to college, I resolved to fall in love with someone intelligent and beautiful and charming and woo her and live happily ever after. It didn't quite work out that way.
I did find someone intelligent, beautiful, and charming. I spent all of college and a few years after mooning after her.
After her.....I had a few good relationships. And I went out looking from time to time, like taking a painting class, just on the off chance I'd find someone. (Since then, especially with the rise of Internet dating sites, I've come to the opinion that it's better to go where people are single and try to find someone interesting than vice-versa.) When Mo, a cute "drinking buddy" gal I had had a crush on for years started to return my affection, I was hooked.
But I never worked for that relationship, barely took any risks, kind of took it for granted. Without knowing what was going on, we kind of molded the relationship into my ideal: two partners, sharing their lives and house, bodies and thoughts, but pursuing their own interests.
Anyway, now that I'm aware of this, I might be able to change my ways. But it takes a tremendous amount of courage to really reach out. The old line about the biggest risk being in not taking any risks at all is ringing more true for me every day.
