bk--frequent zen-- I loved it!!! lol
Just a post to note: 'Whose Identity' talks about ways I see modern feminine identity portrayed by the media and culture and the way people 'pigeonhole' women based on little or no information and we are expected to 'live up' to the best and/or the worst of the stereotype we seem we best fit.
I DO NOT want to offend anyone! ; )
BK - Frequent Zen was 'Groovy'. Liked the rhythm.
But being a teacher have to have a mini gripe at a previous comment(I know its a saying). To TEACH you have to be able to DO in the first place! ;-)
Kase,
I know it wasn't a take-your-breath-away-perfect work, but I liked how it set a scene.
If you were interested in advice on improving it, I'd find a smoother phrase than "post-coitus" (like maybe "lying in the afterglow"--since later you mention the sex is great, you don't have to make that line clearer than that) and then...I'd get rid of the entire last paragraph and closer line. Maybe add a line then before what becomes the last line to give it a little more drama and punch.
I think the "In that one sentence" stanza just explains too dang much.
I know it's radical surgery, and you've already submitted it, but you might think about something like that in a future work; focus on the slice of life, put in lots of details but not to the point where it's trivia, and don't explain the significance of the event, or how you felt about it, let the reader figure it out.
To everyone: Well hello and I am new at this site and I just want to ask everyone what you guys think about my poems so far. Just say the truth whether bad or good I just want to know..OK that's about it..Well there's one author that I enjoy reading his poem but I kinda forgot who it was well I guess I'll find out again when I visit it. Ok well that's all and much love to everyone who writes poems.
Chances are--you write good poems I like them. Good job and keep on writing on that paper.
the cowboy is laughing
awesome, Violet. This one made me smile!
BK ~ Urgent! What can I say? Except HAVE you seen him yet???
Chances and Madison; Hope your birthdays were both lovely!
Soulwolf and Splat Thanks for the comments of Frequent Zen. He always tells me the ones he likes and he loved this one too.
Splat; That was just off the top of my head and I don't think the right old saying. I wanted to rhyme it with foo and that one I just made up ha. Cause that was supposed to be if the foo shits you wear it.
SCQueen....ha My lips are sealed!
BK, I'm not touching that answer with a ten foot pole :-)
Misti, I like your My 2002 best of all... I love the Mayfly Project but still thinking on mine...
thank you B.K. :) This feels to be the best birthday I've ever had and the b-day festival/celebration/ritual has consumed seven days now. I think the party is out-living the cause (it's all good).