Entropy ~ Patience, Grasshopper. I imagine if she ever wants more, she'll find some way to let you know. Just pay attention. I know, I know...you want to know what the clues are. They're really different for each person. Does she ever talk about other guys? What does she say? How does she react when you talk about other women? Does she touch you? How? Does SHE call YOU? Does she make an extra effort to look and smell great when she knows she'll be seeing you? Does she laugh with you? Cry with you? Does she ever want you to stay longer when it's time for you to go? Some people are more demonstrative than others. She may do some or none of these things. Some women need a little 'pushing'. But that's hard because if you push in the wrong direction she'll be gone faster than a Ferarri. (if she's anything like me! ha!) You might try watching how she interacts with other people (guys) and see if she acts differently with you. And in what way is it different with you? And ask her little questions. Then listen.
-Teej
misty it may seem weird but during the bad times try painting or drawing or some visual art other than words k?
Jack,
That doesn't seem weird at all. I've painted and cut and pasted (collages) my way through it. I've got tons of collages and paintings all over the apartment. But when I'm really down writing is the easiest thing to do. I know the course of action I need to take (get on meds that work, find a job I can hold down, etc.) but knowing doesn't make it any easier. I've used the Blender to get through a lot of shit. Pretty soon I'll need to find new ways to cope. Hopefully reading my poems at Insomnia will be a good thing that leads to other good things.
TJ -- First off, I wanted to say that I thought you looked beautiful in those pictures you posted. I also think you have great hair. (post more pics!)
About my situation. I haven't known her all that long. So far we have really only mentioned our status once and that was that we were just friends. That was also early on though. We chat online, e-mail back and forth, and I would say that she calls me almost as often as I call her. (right now its a long distance thing) We have talked about one other guy. She unfortunately has to work with an ex-boyfriend and its a little uncomfortable for her. She would like to be friends with him again, but not more.
One time we werr talking about dating (not the two of us) and I had told her that I didn't like making the first move cuz I was an idiot with women. She told me she didn't make first moves either.... uuuuggghhh!
~Entropy
Misti, check your email please.
BK~ I laughed out loud when i read your yard work poem. It can't be all that bad, can it? :-) You're awesome.
Entrophy ~ Seeing as how you haven't known her that long and the majority of your relationshp has been long distance, then I suggest you wait and watch and ask and listen. I have long been a proponent of the belief that you cannot truly know a person without logging in a certain amount of time spent in their presence. (this is experience talking here)
I don't know what stage of things you two are at so it's hard to tell you exactly what you need to know, but...
If you begin professing your feelings too early, based on...what?...words?...will she believe you are sincere? And ARE you? Will she think you are simply desperate for someone, anyone, to love? And truly, does she really know you yet? If you told her how you felt right now, you may be putting her in a strange position. She may be forced to make a decision about a guy when she doesn't yet have enough to go on. This may not work in your favor.
And how well do you know HER? Are your feelings well founded in WHO she truly is? Are you letting your heart lead your head?
Sometimes we jump the gun when it comes to expressing our feelings. This is an easy mistake to make. The feelings are strong and it's so hard to hold them in. We want to be able to express them and watch them grow. We feel like we just can't wait to love a person, to get to the part of the relationship where we know they are 'ours'. Yet, in the early stages of forming a relationship, there is not enough fact or evidence that this is actually going to work out well for both parties in the long run. Forcing things to happen can build the relationship on a faulty foundation. Later, after prematurely taking things to the next levels, it may become evident that one of the parties, or both, actually aren't suited to the other, and the relationship sputters and dies. But not before you are forced to uneccesarily go through many uncomfortable or even painful moments.
So, my advice (for what it's worth) is that you should feel what you feel, but analyze it. Keep it close to your chest. Be her friend right now, but be a 'close' friend. And ask questions. Be sure that they are not questions that force her to make choices, rather that make her think or wonder. Listen closely to her responses. And pay attention to your reaction to her answers. Do they make you feel hopeful? Or do her answers discourage you? If you become increasingly hopeful, based on positive communication with her (the signals are good), then you can make a move to the next level. The next REASONABLE level. There is nothing wrong with taking things slowly. When I am in a relationship with a person as a friend, though I can see the potential for 'more' to happen, I remind myself to accept the relationship as it is at this moment. This has a calming affect for me. I can experience 'now' and let go of the direction. This way, I can feel what I feel, but know it doesn't have to go anywhere any time soon.
Because she has admitted to not making the first move, there WILL be a point when you will have to take a risk and make a leap of faith. When you have really gotten to know this girl and have decided that she is someone you really want to be closer to, and she trusts in who you are well enough, you'll have to put yourself out there. You will have to risk being rejected. The key is to make a calculated risk. I mean, we don't dive into water if we don't know how deep it is, where the rocks are, and whether there are sharks, do we? So we calculate. Then dive. And diving, even under good conditions, is still a risk. Right?
Hope this helps a little.
-Teej
Jon and Michael T ~ photos please?
TJ -- Wow! You haven't been reading my mind, have you? All those things are exactly what Im going through right now... spooky. Yes, I have been thinking and analyzing a lot. One thihng that you mentioned and that I am trying very hard to do is to just let things happen naturally without forcing them. Its difficult though. I don't know if it is the newness of the relationship or what, but I haven't ever felt the same about someone before. I feel almost like I have known this person my whole life, ya know? It just seems so natural being around her that that in itself is almost scary. I don't feel any pressure to be someone Im not, or to do something or act a certain way... It could all be the beginning of a wonderful life long friendship or something more.... confusion... hehe... Its fun though!!
~E
Here's my Yahoo! profile, just for kicks.
http://profiles.yahoo.com/savagewave
Entrophy (Grasshopper) ~ sounds like you know what it's all about. Just trust yourself and have patience. We all need more of THAT.
-Teej (and yes, I do read minds.....Bwaahaaahaaa! <----evil laughter)
ps to E.....sorry 'bout calling you 'Entrophy' instead of Entropy. It's a bit of a personal joke with me. And I, myself, have a certain degree of disorder in my system! Ha!!
yeah Jon, lets see you!!!!
Haven't been able to post lately, travelling on business.....are any of you anywhere near Parsippany, NJ? I will be stranded here for another week, I'm afraid, and I think I have exhausted all the entertainment possibilities....
I had no idea there were so many beauties here...beautiful souls, yes, but the faces match....
ah misti the reason i brought that up was the left brain, right brain stuff.... the left side controls words and yet also is where depresion anxiety and all negative emotions reside or so the scientest believe, while the right side controls the imaging process and is where the positive emotions lie, so in a way of, im afraid, experament when the negs get you started on the path downward try the drawing painting stuff, it may or may not help but i think posibly worth a try.. at least its natural, cost affective and has no artifical perservitives so...
jack
TJ - OK, I've downloaded the 'demure' photo, I doubt that you'd be able to tell its you once I've done the painting -- most of the time I move things about and change things and then they don't look much like the reference that I started with... check out my xanga blog for an example -- the Japanese print vs the painting.
I will post a proper photo of that painting as soon as I take one.
Take care,
dee.
It has been so cool to finally put faces with names... LOVE the pictures everyone!
Entropy, have you seen the movie with which you share your name? Just curious...
Love to all!!!
Dee ~ Too cool!
Savannah Haze -- No, I haven't seen that movie. Who is in it? Good flick? I might have to look it up.
~E
Okay....cover your eyes ladies and gentlemen...
http://ixthisismysnxi.findapix.com
Jon~ I sure wish I lived in California.... *grin* I didn't know good looking guys could write so well!
Well Spaceman,
I have met other Blenderites...so if you invite is open to tough, ugly, nasty old women, let's give it a whirl. Coffee's on me...and my territory is Trenton.
Just how brave are you? :)