From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=900">RennieLorca</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

well, Kaylee, it would be a bit easier to follow your works and comment if I knew what band your "different drummer" plays for at this point. There were lines and images I think I enjoyed, but out of context, most likely, from what you may have meant. Interesting reads, and I enjoyed the quotes ..... Rennie
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=391">sarahsehee</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

"half the time you were together"- that's just a guideline though, right? is it strange to be over it sooner, or does that mean you're just in denial or supressing emotions or something?
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=23">Kirk</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

No, it is a very rough guideline.<BR>
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You just have to know yourself, and think about if you're thinking about the ex- much at all.  It could be you've decided the relationship wasn't that good, it could be that you're better at partitioning off the past than most people.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1189">darwin</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

I think it doesn't matter the amount of time, If you know yourself and your heart well enough, who knows? could be weeks, could be months, could be years.  Plus how cautious an individual are you?  I myself enjoy the leap, and whether I fall on thorns or pillows?  That is half the fun! 
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=268">Misti</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

Thanks, B.K.! I appreciate that. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately and have been working through guilt/shame/fear/anxiety. "Blood on the Tracks" helps immensely.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1139">jwb71913</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

Sarah, I've been thinking about this all morning off and on, and I think i can possibly describe what it's like for me.<BR>
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Imagine building a small room, and then enlarging it over time to contain all the love you feel.  When the object of the love that built it are gone, it takes a long time to be able to even go near it before you can start knocking it down.  And the longer you spent building it the longer it takes to tear down and haul away.  Just my take on it.<BR>
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Darwin, I've leapt into the thistle before, and it's quite exciting, but takes a while to heal.<BR>
<BR>
Jim
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=254">chris</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

Personally I think it all depends on what you've lost - i.e., the quality of the relationship that's now over. That's why being as objective as possible - getting unbiased, third-party takes on it - seems important. But what do I know...I'm still muddling my way through. It does get a lot better, though, and I think the time it takes for that to happen is proportional to how good the marriage actually was. The best analogy I can think of for divorce is the death one, though - it's like your mate has driven off a cliff and simply no longer exists. At least that's how it's been for me. But the twist is that they didn't really die - they've climbed back up the embankment with someone else - and they hate your guts. ;)
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1176">aparajita</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

time and distance... that is the only key for healing.  it may not ever get 'better', but, i have found it does get 'easier'.  the death analogy is close, however, it still is not complete.  with death there is closure and finality that can not possibly be refuted.  with divorce in some small corner there is still hope whether it is recognized or not.  how much time is proportional to nothing that can be described.  for some it is a lifetime.  for others minutes to days.  as lady referred to, divorce recovery classes really can help deal with the never ending emotions that refuse to allow your mind and heart a moments rest/peace.  these classes suggest a year of time off to heal.  for me, it has been a 10 year healing process and that time has served me well.  <BR>
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kirk: i encourage you (and all others similarly in the newly divorced state) to just wait.  don't get "out there" just to be doing something or out of some sense of obligation to yourself.  on the other hand, loneliness is a nasty beast in the middle of the nite or a long weekend that never seems to end.  best to make some same sex friends to hang out with to avoid any emotional conflict.  <BR>
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my 2 cents...
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=391">sarahsehee</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

thanks for all your thoughts. I like to think that getting over someone doesn't have to mean that you forget about that person and what you loved about them but that maybe instead you learn to love yourself for wanting to change or learning more about what you want in life and for yourself as cheesy as that may sound
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1103">ladyinwaiting</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

you are correct sarah, i believe that each person you encounter has left a part of themself with you and you with them, sometimes the memories are not always good, and sometimes the are so wonderful they are difficult to get past, either way you have become the person you are because of the encounters, we all march to a different drummer and we are all unique, we grow at our own pace and we heal in our own time, the choice to heal is our choice or the choice to stay in the past and drown in the memories is our choice as well, we all feel our own pain and we all are entitled to our own emotions, we as individuals decide when we are ready to move forward, does that make us cold hearted...NO...we all heal in a different way at a different pace...sometimes we repeat the same mistakes and sometimes we don't...i wish you all the best...i am not the one to take advice from...i have traveled alot of the same roads...over and over again...until i decided to take another path...and sometimes i travel down the old path, because it is my comfort zone and my choice...
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1103">ladyinwaiting</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

Ali ~ 'Slipped to Memory'...beautiful read...thank you for this work<BR>
<BR>
chris ~ 'Free Man in Paris'...awesome work...Paris is what i dream of, maybe i too shall be free there...thank you for this work
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1103">ladyinwaiting</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

hey kindred and wolfscreamer...let's hear from you guys...
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1381">imaswimrok</a><BR>
Date: 19 April 2004<P>

Thank you Rennie for your comment on the board. It helps to know that someone is actually reading some of my stuff. I have read a few of yours, and you are talented. Further comments, suggestions and criticism would be greatly appreciated from you as well as anyone else... Thank you and have a great week!<BR>
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kaylee<BR>

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