Echo~
I love the Tolkien quote! Great choice. :)
Love and summer starlight, Ali
why is it important we get married? The only person that it would (indeed, should) be important to are the two people being married. Outside of that, it's nobody's concern.
Why is it the peak of the love actualization pyramid? It's a formal declaration of your intent to spend the rest of your lives together as partners.
If you have had a negative experience with marriage - would you do it again and why? I have been married for 9 years, with a partner I have been together with for 14 years. Our relationship has had its ups and downs - like most relationships - in particular one rough patch that I am thankful our marriage was strong enough to carry us through. I believe that marriage provides a solid foundation in a way that you probably cannot appreciate unless you are married - marriage does change things. It is that a step that is huge in so many ways.
Why is the marriage important to you personally...and if it is not...why not? See above. Because I love my husband more than I did on the day I married him (which was a perfect day). We know more about each other and it is a complete intimacy, where I feel I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings with him in absolute trust and confidence, and do the same for him.
Intrestingly, we did a pre-marriage couselling, compulsory in my church. They gave my husband and I a low compatibility rating. That shocked me, because even dating, we were closer than most other couples I had ever met. I believe that even though we are very different, we are complimentary opposites. Life is certainly never boring and we have never lost sight of our individual identities, despite having a shared one. And yes, I took his name.
My first experience with marriage was a fluke for obvious reasons. I knew that it wasn't real or sane or what I really wanted. My second experience with marriage was not entirely negative. There were some great moments but the bad moments weren't worth the great ones. I believe that if we had not met over the Internet but in the usual way we would have dated briefly and found out pretty soon that we were not compatible. It turned into a co-dependence thing and it was my fault and I'm not proud of myself.
I know that my marriage with Michael will last. We first got together March 19th of last year. We didn't start off in the best way because I was still married to Chris. There is nothing I can say to defend myself. Michael had absolutely nothing to offer me but himself. We have lived through extreme poverty and sickness and any other kind of obstacle you can almost imagine together. That has strengthened our bond. I love him and I'm in love with him. That is what I've always dreamed of. Our fights don't last long and they are never vicious or demeaning. We rarely fight at all. We think alike and have the same need for warmth and affection. We're both survivors. I truly believe we'll grow old together. Otherwise I wouldn't bother.
hey all... just for a laugh click on the link:
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/b/billyevans.htm
ok folks, today i am all about stress relief in almost any form or fashion... i needed this laugh even more, hope you can enjoy too!!
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
Thoughtfull -
I know that I have never spoken directly to you but, I would like to share my feelings regarding marriage with you. I recently posted a poem regarding being afraid of the future of my marriage. Please don't let this fool you. That was my very first poem that I wrote in regards to fearing the future of my marriage and I no longer do. The woman in that poem was also my mother in-law who I have some issues with because she favors my sister in-law's grandchildren over mine. That was the essence of my poem.
Since then, my husband and I have talked and we are even closer than before.
This is how our marriage works. I truly feel we were meant for each other. I don't believe that people have to be married but, I am happy being married. I want to be able to express to the world that my husband is the person I want to be with enough to spend my life with him. Although people get divorced, I think people doubt whether a relationship will last or not more often when two people are not married. My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We've been together for 10 years and married for 5. We have awesome communication. There is no other way to explain it. We don't argue often but when we do, it's big and important to one or both of us. We listen to each other and guide each other. We support each other and make time for each other when we notice we haven't had any. Just recently we've had no time for each other and last weekend, we spend the whole weekend making time for us. It brought us closer. Everytime we make time for our marriage, it brings us closer. I feel communication is the key, than trust. We have a close, solid, wonderful marriage and three wonderful children and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. They say your marriage should come before your children because it is the foundation for which they rely on. I firmly believe this. When my husband and I are doing well, our children are doing well. I remember my wedding and my feelings for my husband at our wedding and on our honeymoon as well as I did 5 years ago. I love to go through old pictures and scrapbooks and be reminded of so many wonderful moments we've shared. I love knowing that everyday I can go home to someone I need and who needs me. To someone I love dearly and who loves me just the same. It's a wonderful, beautiful feeling that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. My husband and I both have parents who have been divorced and who have both cheated on their spouses. We understand that not every marriage is meant to be but, I don't think people walk into a marriage expecting it to fail. You marry someone because you love that person so much that you want to announce to the world that you belong to them and they belong to you. Not because you don't want your spouse to be taken by another man/woman but because you want the world to know that this is the person you cherish more than anything in the world.
I don't know if this is an answer that you were looking for but, I hope it is helpful nontheless.
I kept my remarks general before.
Now I will be more specific.
Some of you know I took a nasty back injury about 8 years ago. I was quite happily married, I worked part time, and took care of my family. I loved my life, because it was what I chose.
The accident changed what i could do.
When that happened, both Chuck and I changed as well.
I tried to be upbeat about things as much as possible. Chronic pain can be hard on the cheerful quotient. And it was. But since I was unable to do things, I never imagined that my partner would resent what would go undone.
The harder it became for me to do things, the more he resented what I couldn't do. And the more I resented his attitude. If you are thinking about marraige, I suggest you look hard at yourself, and your loved one for one quality.
FLEXIBILITY.
If you are going to feel pissed off when you can't have things exactly as you'd like them, don't do it.
If you are incapable of compromise with grace, don't do it.
If you think marraige will fill in something you have missing, don't do it.
If you love your partner JUST THE WAY THEY ARE...take heed. They will change. Not because they mean to---but because life does that to you. Living does it to you.
And if you think you can take the whole she-bang on by yourself...so deep is your love?
Don't do it.
The well will run dry, no matter what you wish.
Good luck all.
Ali ~ Telling Hands...awesome piece...found myself remember a touch like that...thank you for the memories...
i'm just him ~ can't let her go...another awesome piece of art...thank you...keep those words coming...
dana ~ HELLO...hope all is well with you and yours...
distant moon ~ nice to see you breeze through...
cryingshame ~ where are you girl??
aparajita ~ i forgot to email you...will try to call tonight...
to all ~ i have no comments on relationships...never was my strongest point...until steveki...
I was married for nearly 27 years and the relationship started three years before that...There was good and bad in my lifetime relationship with my husband...I believe that we love each other as much as anyone...I am blessed to have shared an undescribeable love with him plus raised two beautiful children that are now adults...I agree with Galadrial about change, but I want to add that a couple either grows together or grows apart...the spouses react to the changes in different ways and make their choices from whatever happens...I could have remained married, but by "my" choice I changed it...legally I am still married, but a matter of time, plus a property settlement and a court date will change all that for me...It took me a longer time to decide to divorce than it did to get married...I now have no regrets..
CS58
> If you are going to feel pissed off when you can't
> have things exactly as you'd like them, don't do it.
> If you are incapable of compromise with grace, don't do it.
> If you think marraige will fill in something you have
> missing, don't do it.
These are three of the best pieces of advice one could ever receive. Take heed, take heed!!! Any close relationship demands compromise, and it will *not* patch up any holes in your own soul. "I must be happy with myself or I have nothing to offer you. Two halves have no choice but to join, and yes, they do make a whole. But two wholes when they coincide -- ah, that is beauty. That is love." That's been on my refrigerator (stuck up with a froggy magnet) for so long that it's yellowed and brittle, but it's none the less true.
> If you love your partner JUST THE WAY THEY ARE...take
> heed. They will change. Not because they mean to---but
> because life does that to you. Living does it to you.
Here I agree with both Gala and cryingshame -- people do change, but if your communication is good, if your core values match, if you truly respect one another, then the changes can benefit both, and in growing separately you can also grow together. New habits, new ideas, new hobbies, new thoughts -- all these can either pry you apart, or bring you closer by sharing experiences and maturation, depending on how they're handled. I think the key principle is that your central values need to match. As long as that's the case, the changes likely won't be divisive ones (though they may inflict a few growing pains here and there).
I won't add relationship comments, as it would be like the inmates chatting int othe asylum... however, I heartily recommend The Forum (and the CD set on relationships) found at Landmark Education. Best thing I ever did for myself (other than college).
http://www.landmarkeducation.com/display_product.jsp?top=22&mid=298
Lolly - are you serious or are you joking? Based on your history, I can't tell. If you're serious, perhaps you'd share what benefit you got from this course. Seems to me that while you might teach someone certain skills (e.g. better communicating) that help with a relationship, you can't actually teach someone how to *have* a relationship...