Shadowboxer>
Though I won't go so far as to indict the level of understanding people younger than myself have of the definition or permanence of love, or make it gender-specific, you are for the most part precise with your commentary.
Too many of us, and I include myself wholly in that category, have at one time or another gotten caught up in the apparition of skin over the significance of heart and soul. This is not to say that all physically attractive individuals are vapid wastes of carbon and water-many of them have excellent morals and treat their confidants well. But too many dull-witted stunners among the population often buy into their own hype, and the result renders them self-absorbed and wanton in their treatment of people with whom they become involved.
What too often happens is we mistake attraction, sexual chemistry or social compatibility for love, and when these transient features fade with time or familiarity, we then blame others or ourselves for not recognizing how we hitched ourselves to a hellbound wax-wheeled wagon. Lament turns to regret, which in turn becomes blame, which ends as denial. In the end, everyone loses, no matter who was the biggest or most original fool.
Most of us learn as we mature what constitutes a basis for long-term happiness and satisfaction in a partnership. It is different from person to person, of course, but what I find laughable is how late most of us begin our attempts to define what is most important to us in someone we love, or the fact that too many among us are instructed more by repeated mistakes than introspective assessments of our wishes. Personally, I learned from both concurrently, and when I knew from deep within what it was I was willing to give for what I wanted, it became crystalline almost overnight. And most of us have that capacity-if we are willing to take the time and initiative to define our terms in such a manner. But too many do not, nor will they ever learn from their mistakes, and THOSE are the ones who will not achieve any semblance of satisfaction romantically. Seems unfair, but it tends to show Charles Darwin's suggestion of the strongest surviving as a policy dually applicable on evolution AND relationships.
The eyes find someone, but the heart keeps them. And that has always held true despite changes in what we deem attractive or fashionable. And no generation of people, regardless of their technology or culture, has ever disproven that theory.
I wish you luck on your search, be it for enlightenment or some other glittering revelation of reality.
Blessings and nothing but the best always,
Paul
Well, now... this is an interesting conversation! So I won't just shuddup...
I'm in my first serious relationship - but it's 11 years old. Do I love the guy? Yes. He's had probably countless Internet affairs that I was stupid enough to be unaware of (BIG warning to the young girls out there!)? In many ways, he still excuses his behaviour with their depressive tendencies, he was just trying to help, he lied about his marriage, etc. so they would let him. I thought they were friends. I didn't realize how huge his ego was. I'm angry that he was caring for our daughter during that time, but I'll get through it.
I didn't know if we're going to work things out. But what I'm giving a chance is for our family to work, and I'm really hoping that we rediscover our love along the way, and I don't just accept the bullshit anymore. I hope my eyes and ears are open. I hope he heeds his wakeup call. That's coming from a woman who doesn't want another child to this guy because she doesn't know if it'll last. We had the child in love to start a family, it wasn't to cure anything. But having a child is a HUGE challenge - or at least to him, and his lack of 'presence' during pregnancy and the first years made it very difficult for me, as well as extraneous factors.
He's no stunner, by the way. He does have charisma, and a sensitivity to people that is quite special. I wish he were more sensitive to me.
Yeah, I want the sensual bells and whistles. Are they necessary? Satisfaction can come without having them. I can get the sensual bells and whistles just looking at the right guy... Never mind. I'm not a materialistic being, I don't have a TV, haven't had one for 8/9 years. Hate it when people just sit around in front of the idiot box and pretend to have a life. Nah, just got something to do. I'd rather spend time reading who knows what, spending time with my child, walking the dog, doing the necessary housework, dancing, checking up on my interests on the Internet, etc. I love the poetry writing that I've started here, although sometimes it takes a heck of a lot of courage just to logon. I can get a bit worried about what I'm gonna find next. And I will return to work next year.
I'd love to have a 'romantic' love life also, but he already killed a lot of that with his behaviour, so I'm just hoping it rekindles. Maybe I'll have a stinking, rotten affair. It's hard to look at this situation with they eyes of a hopeless romantic. He aggravates me (I do the same to him), but we can find our mutual love and space at the drop of a hat. And for now, I know if I need to talk, he's there. That's important. I don't quite know if he fully understands, but we've been remote from each other for so long, I'm hoping that will come. If I'm pushing shit up hill with a blunt stick for too long then I'll give it up. Eventually, and when the time is right for me. I hope I'm not the kind that hangs on to nothing.
In all this, I have to confess, I did almost give it all up. I fell in love with another man, whom I found intelligent, attractive, charismatic, successful and who I thought I'd spent enough time around to know. I felt rapport, fireworks, intrigue, the lot. But that man wanted nothing to do with me, though he gave me cause to think he did, and I'd be a fool to keep my feelings for him. I took a chance on him when I found the Internet dame's jacket in our car, first I knew of her existence (and even then they didn't tell me, it was just the last caper) - I don't even want to look there.
I also left - but knowing I'd probably lose my child because I'd flipped out so hard over everything that had happened brought me back. Anything else I could easily live with. So I really have to look at our love seriously.
Love is all about learning from our mistakes, and listening to our hearts on what's important. I don't want people to think they can't find love on the Internet. But listen with your heart, and don't be blind. Apparently even this chick guessed at what his real situation was at some point. He neither confirmed nor denied it. And I wonder why she keeps a relationship with 'friend', who lives downstairs. He's unemployed, no vehicle, not looking for work, smokes (she's very anti), not that he's stupid. Just...
I refuse to let her upstairs, to see my husband or child. Knowing she's downstairs for a few days is bad enough. But tomorrow during Christmas Eve when we're with family, they'll be up to use the computer, and I'm even nervous about that. Terrified that she'll be in my house, actually. So you see, I'm quite sensitive about the whole thing. And I don't claim to know what love is, I just hope I've got it and that it will bloom again with time.
Bri/Lauren~ Thanks so much for that.
Star of David~ How nice of you to say that. My favorite of yours is still I Remember the Cold .. something in it grabs me ..... Rennie
And I'd really like the option to be able to set a new password! (suspect someone devious knows it)
Chances - I think you're very strong... I wish you all the best.
~empy~
contact me by e-mail if you need to change your password.
And people should be careful about what password they choose in the first place.
elocution ~ thanks for your kind words, im happy that you have moved on and found someone to love. Wishing you and all other blenderites a very merry christmas and a happy and prosperous new year.
Drew
Empy~ i loved "enough" it was absolutely perfect! i'm such a huge fan of yours!
~bridget
Merry Christmas wolfscreamer ~ and thank heavens they won't find you in Homer Simpson slippers...thinking of you.
coujeaux~ I enjoyed reading Katrina. Nice to see your take on things.
Chances~ I wish you some peace for this holiday season ... and the hope that things will work out for you when you decide what is best for your furture.
wolfscreamer~ you take care and wave back again at that lady, she may need it as much as you.
squeen~ I've missed seeing more of your work here. I've enjoyed reading your account.
jack~ yer slacking here. Where is "she" .. I miss the tales you tell. That said, I wish you a happy holiday, sailor. Take care.
gala, kev, misti~ I've done my best to keep up with you elsewhere in your writing when I don't see enough of you here. Happy happy to all of you this season.
echo, star and others~ it is a pleasure to get to read and get to know you here. I regret I don't often get to say enough.
teej~ You are one I really need to catch up on saying more about how I like your work.
BK~ Your "Darling" is one more lucky person with how you write. I never fail to smile when reading your verses.
Rainbow~ Thanks so much for your honesty and sharing here. I hope this next year brings you happiness.
Kirk~ Again, thanks for the forum. Also, I enjoy the blog each day. I've often passed it on to friends so they can get an insight or a smile. Happy Holidays to you and Mo! ..... Rennie
Happy Christmas Everybody!!!!!
Very rushed so havent got much time to comment but fabulous works being posted as usual.
jon~ I really want to thank you for that comment (and others for similar ones), but I never think of myself as one line twist better here than all the rest of you. I believe anyone can find the right, best and most honest lines to gain some recognition at some time. It feels best in doing that somewhere where you feel a sense of community/peers. I really enjoy your honesty as you post. It really got me when you posted about how bad you felt your were in the past, that is, until someone came along who really gave you the ability and chance to fall in love. Real love can cause us such terrible pain when not returned, and such joy when shared by two. Happy Holidays and much happiness to you ..... Rennie
OK Blender World readers....I have added yet another poem attesting to my forelorn love life. Enjoy and perhaps shed a tear with me, as you read it. Life Sentence of Love Happy holidays to all. And to those who feel lost or unloved during this hectic time of the year....hang in there... as "the love of your life" could be just around the next corner, so make sure you "see" with your eyes and listen with your "heart"! Kindest of Regards,
Richard E. Murphy.
Richard E. Murphy,
Life Sentence of Love....took my breath away...how totally romantic...bravo!
CryingShame
Empyrean,
enough...direct and to the point..loved it..by the way...i read more of your stuff and liked it too...
cryingshame
CryingShame58
Thanks for the kind words regarding my third offering of poetry to the blender. I'm certainly a novice at this endeavor but I do have a passion for words and am quite fasinated with love and emotions. Now...not that I have figured love or emotions out, but the quest continues. Well, take care and have an awesome holiday. With Kindest Regards, Richard
Thanks Rennie ~ It's been a very tough year for me...not much inspiration. I will try to write more in the coming year.
Rennie ~ Glad I'm in your thoughts! Thank you!
jimmyallgrownup ~ I've always loved that song, "Something In The Way". I've only ever heard it done by Nirvana and assumed it was Kurt Cobain's. You learn something new everyday, huh? Thanks for posting it!
-Teej
Among other determinations for improvement, I decided to comment on the works here a little more. Well...
FrozenCharleotte ~ Northern Lights was incredible.
-Teej
CryingShame - thank you for your kind words... strangely enough it was that post that I put up and directly wished I could take it back. I suppose its different perspectives that make this world wonderful.
To all you other Blender-people, I've really enjoyed reading your contributions. There is usually rarely a day that passes where I read something that doesn't hit to the core. Thank you all, and I wish you and your families and loved ones a very merry christmas and much love and luck in the new year.
Feliz Navidad,
~empy~
Teej: Well don't I feel stupid now. What do I know about Nirvana? I'm a Broadway/show tune/song-and-dance kind of man myself. The only way I'd be able to identify a Nirvana song is if Liza or Barbra or Bette covered it on one of their albums. Actually, Roger saw that sub and laughed his ass off (he's, shall we say, somewhat more hip to teenybopper culture than I am). But it does make sense; now that you bring it up, it would seem highly unlikely that a football player from Texas would (or could) write something as deep as that. LOL . . . Actually I was never much of a Curt Cobain fan myself. Roger thinks he was a genius, but then again I think Roger's been reciting his mantra too much.
A merry & joyous & Bacchanalian holiday season to you ALL!!!
jimmy ~ I'm feeling dumber all the time...well, confused anyway.
And are you with Roger again/still? If so, congrats. I can never keep it straight with you two. lol! Here's wishing you contentment and Best of the New Year / Happy ________(insert your celebrated holiday here) to You Both!
-Teej
Kirk; Happy Holidays to you and Mo! Hope your festival to bring back the sun is wonderful.
Everyone; I love you all and this place, I promise next year that I will do many more comments and tell you all how wonderful you are and why. This has, like so many of you have said, not been a very good year, but next year is going to be a wonderful year (with no two billion dollar war Dear God we pray). My resolution is to write more poems just to make him smile and I hope you all as well.
Happy Holidays to you! You are all my favorites in different unique ways.(You too Jimmy and even Sushipoo) Have a wonderful Xmas! Merry Xmas in Australia Deeva and Chances and everyone reading and writing for us from far away.
I've wrapped all the presents with red velvet ribbons and baked the cheesecake and eight dozen gourmet cookies and now I'm going to bed. Night Everyone, It's beginning to look a lot like Xmas. Might even snow. (Kisses My Darlin!)
bk
Bridget - Sorry for not replying to your post earlier, I must have missed it! Thank you so much for reading my stuff, I'm so flattered that you liked it :) Thanks again
~empy~