From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=8">Ali</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Congrats to all the Front Pagers!  Excellent job everyone!  Keep up the fabulous work!<BR>
<BR>
Kirk~<BR>
<BR>
Thank you so very much for the Front Page Pick; I am very honored.  You've quite made my day.  Thanks!! :)<BR>
<BR>
Love and lavender starlight, Ali
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=74">Echolocation</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Congratulations, Front Pagers all!  Ali, I knew  <a href="/blend/wv.cgi?id=2005.02.13.15.35.13077">Lilith</a> was great :)  Gala, a very excellent FPP *and* a plug for your book, way to go!!<BR>
<BR>
Kirk, a good Ramble this month with significant food for thought.  Can one identify what exactly boosts something over the wall between friendship and romance?  Or is there in fact no wall, no dividing line -- it's just a big open grassy field that one wanders about on, sometimes closer to this edge, sometimes closer to that?  ("Hi there, gorgeous, want to wander over towards the LOVE EDGE with me?")
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=13">B.K.</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Another great issue Kirk; Congratulations you all, keep up the good work<BR>
<BR>
bk
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1601">jolee</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

I've been a frequent visitor here for a long while - but I never submitted anything or participated in any discussions. I am constantly getting myself into various sticky situations due to my hopelessly and infinitely romantic nature - so what better place for me than here? So much of what is written here applies to something in my past or present - it is both amazing and comforting.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=23">Kirk</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Echo, re my ramble on what marks that line...I don't know. I think with my past marriage I assumed it was both people just wanting to say it's crossed. (Or more accurately, one person wanting to cross it, and the other person wanting to make the first person happy.)  But after a divorce, I no longer feel like much of an authority...
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=10">Galadrial</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Like Kirk and everyone else, I can only speak from my own experience. <BR>
<BR>
Perhaps love is romantic in that first period...when you discover the other person. But face it...it's not been tried by anything. (Some of you might remember the ramble i did on the novel "Love Story"?<BR>
<BR>
Romance is easy when its all shiny and new.<BR>
<BR>
I watched "Shall We Dance?" last night, and when it was done wanted to hit my husband in the head. AGAIN. Romance, like everything else means different things to different people. To me, it is going out of your way to do any dumb little thing...just to make the loved one smile---or make them feel special. <BR>
<BR>
I think there is a bare minimum you have to give into a married relationship to sustain it. When you are struggling to cover the rent, juggling your life like balls in the air, and dealing with the 1000 things you must in every day,<BR>
romance might be the first casualty.<BR>
<BR>
I always tried to do one unasked thing each day for Chuck...but one person alone can't sustain a flame. And it hurts when you feel like you are alone at it.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1189">darwin</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

there isn't a pretty package you can fit romance into.  it's not a book or an "idiot's guide to romance", it is either there or it isn't.  Do you want to give to your lover?  Do you want to make them happy, make them smile?  If you love someone, truly love, then romance isn't chocolate and candy.  It's the fact that when you are tired, they will make you a grilled cheese for dinner no questions asked.  Or if you are tired and can't focus, they will rub your neck or play with your hair.  I think foremost, you cannot ask for romance, it either is or it isn't.  <BR>
<BR>
My husband may not bring me flowers, or bring chocolates...but even if I'm wearing ratty old pants or a worn out tank top, he still thinks i'm absolutely beautiful.  no matter what.  <BR>
<BR>
I think for me the definition of romance is ones willingness to give to another, not when asked, but unasked and unexpectedly from the heart.  
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1601">jolee</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Wow. What makes romance romance? Romance is one of those things that goes away the more you discuss and analyze it. I wish I had a copy of Robert James Waller's Old Songs in a New Cafe - there is an interesting little speech about the nature of romance in it. I agree that making the other person feel loved and cherished is a huge part of sustaining the "romance" of a relationship. Doing the uneccessary, going out of your way to do things the other person would never ask of you, gentle touches that are completely unrelated to sex, not just listening, but absorbing what the other person says. Mostly, I think romance and the "intensity" of a new relationship comes from the understanding (or fear) that it may be lost. More "developed" relationships lose that over time. Unless both people put effort into maintaining that magic - it goes away for good. And, from experience, once it dies - it is nearly impossible to revive.  
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=268">Misti</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Well, you've gotta have sex. Lots of it. Lots of good sex. Mediocre sex won't cut it. Bad sex is outta the question. Beyond that, you have to laugh together at stupid shows on TV or movies or whatever. I enjoy watching "Insomniac" and "Crank Yankers" with my boyfriend. The other night I wanted to stay home and bitch and feel sorry for myself because we have no money and way too much stress. My boyfriend talked me into going to the poetry reading. Good thing 'cause I sold six chapbooks.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=1189">darwin</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

i think sex and lots of it, has something to do with it...but nowhere the amount of the equation it was just attributed to.  <BR>
<BR>
there's a point where the sex goes away, what then?  I don't want to live on sex the rest of my life.  i don't have it as much as i used to, but i have a helluva lot more intimacy and romance though.  
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=13">B.K.</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

You need a good compatability astrologer (like on Astrodienst (hope i spelled that right)They are on line Swiss and the best. Free on Thursdays and you pay the rest of the time. Take a peek<BR>
<BR>
bk
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=268">Misti</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

I was only being partly facetious. Sex is important to me, especially since I was on antidepressants for three years and had no libido. Some people just need companionship. I am not one of those.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=268">Misti</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

And astrology is a crock. I was supposedly compatible with my ex according to astrology. Nope. And yes, I'm talking natal charts, not just sun signs.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=13">B.K.</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

This is something better than the norm and will avoid the every two and one half year CRACK UP. I think the Swiss have it perfected and as I said, try it. It's free on Thursdays.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=268">Misti</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Two and one half year crack up? What's that? The length of my marriage? 
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=10">galadrial</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

I wonder if the dead do phone calls?<BR>
My last was from Arizona.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=268">Misti</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

I've studied astrology for years. I've been to that site and gotten my info. I've found too many faults and flaws with astrology. Traditional astrology says that when Uranus was discovered Aquarians lost the traits they shared with Capricorns under Saturn and became more eccentric and rebellious. Why does a planet have to be discovered to have impact on birth charts? Think about it.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=13">B.K.</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Nope, the two and one half years if when the sex wears off (if it ever does) and there had best be something else there or you're in deep doo.<BR>
<BR>
bk
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=13">B.K.</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

But then there still has to be that fire there and more to save it when it goes woops as well.<BR>
<BR>
bk
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=13">B.K.</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Gala somehow it just sunk in what you just wrote ha....who would have thunk???
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=872">cryingshame58</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Hey Gala...I watched "Shall We Dance" yesterday afternoon and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would...<BR>
<BR>
To All Blenderites: I'm nearly 47 and by my experience and observation I believe for a married relationship to last the couple have to relate well together spirituality, emotionally, physically and financially ...When any of these get unbalanced, there will be problems...Some choose to solve problems, some don't and some merely survive the problems...My wedding anniversary is Thursday and although, I am seeking a divorce, my hubby has other ideas and intentions...He can be very charming and romantic when he chooses...Not sure if I will get back on our rollercoaster again...I thought I had enough...Now I am questioning if I should give him one more chance...How many chances does he get?  I'm fearful to choose either way...This is my story and I'm sticking to it...take care all you romantics... :) :) :)<BR>
CS58
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=35">Star of David</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Hi Kirk,<BR>
Thanks for the pick, it was a lovely surprise seeing it on the front page! Gonna read your ramble now...
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=20">distant moon</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Romance is just understanding and fear.  <BR>
<BR>
Understanding that you have 'romance' and both of you know it.  The fear is that you may lose it and both of you know that too.<BR>
<BR>
...this is what we were talking about, right?  ;-)
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=20">distant moon</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

oh yeah...and hardcore sex.
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From: <a href="/blend/av.cgi?id=35">Star of David</a><BR>
Date: 7 March 2005<P>

Re Kirk's ramble<BR>
I don't know if I'm way off track and not thinking straight right now - just buried a friend - but I don't think sex really has anything to do with romance. I mean, you don't have to have sex with someone to keep romance alive - sometimes it's just a passing whisper, or a featherlight touch, just a look and the romantic feeling in the air is almost overwhelming, almost tanglibe. Romance, for me, is about a look, a touch, a few words that remind one of a past memory... etc, etc, etc...<BR>
Sometimes you see someone from like five years ago and one look is all it takes for that romantic feeling to come alive, even if you've never touched.<BR>
And when it comes to marriage, I don't think there's a right or wrong way - it's different for everyone but all you can do is give it your best and then, even if it ends, you are secure in the knowlegde you did the damn best you could and there was nothing more to give.
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