"That was one of the most tragic flaws of our marriage...we didn't have any friends. Two people are never enough for each other."
Misti, you are so right. I have a few close friends. My husband has none. He and my friends like each other but it's not like they hang out. He's a great guy but won't get out of his comfort zone. He lead a lonely life.
To bring it back to your quote, it has definitely taken a toll on our marriage. I ache for other couples to be around. He often seems envious of me and I'm frustrated by him.
Just wanted to share. You really hit the nail on the head.
Great stuff coming in this month so far! I'll list specifics when I get a few. I've got some feedback/ comments/ praises for several of you.
So far I've only got one in and it was while I was really pissed so I kind of regret it. It's called "Maybe."
Can't wait to see the new edition of the Blender. There were some fabulous submissions last month. I'm hoping the ones I really loved made it. If not, I'm hunting Mr. Blender Man down.
Savannah,
My boyfriend is like you and it sounds like I'm similar to your husband. I have always had trouble making friends. I'm a loner by nature. I have no social skills to speak of and I suck at small talk. I automatically assume no one is interested in getting to know me better so I keep to myself. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is a typical Leo...extroverted, confident, never met a stranger. This long-distance thing has been especially hard because a lot of times when my boyfriend calls me, like last night, he is talking to his friends while talking to me and I get jealous. We all hung out together when I lived in Albuquerque but I felt like they were his friends, not mine. That is partly why I left. I am trying to forge an identity for myself. I suck at sports but I might start playing softball and meet people that way. The idea of sweating with team mates and then going out as a group for cold beer appeals to me immensely.
We all tend to get stuck in our comfort zone. I'm trying like hell to break outta mine. Encourage your husband to take risks and explore interests and hobbies. I hope things work out for ya'll.
maybe ...it hurt me to read this. Reminded me of how I felt when I was married. Very sad. Hope this is just a rough patch and things improve for you soon!!!
http://www.theintrovertadvantage.com/
I suggest this book to anyone who is an introvert or has an introverted partner..... It really helps in understanding the differences and the ways both can add to a relationship.
When your life is totally wrapped up in one person, it's possible to smother them without even being aware.
It also helped me be more successful in what is traditionally an 'extrovert' field, by giving me tools to recharge and refresh before burning out.
I think it's a good investment.
I leave tomorrow for Mt Rushmore and Yellowstone for the annual road trip with the boy, see ya'll later.
Jim
Savannah, please don't hunt Mr. Blender Man down. It's all subjective!
Jim, Mo and I read that back when she was still letting me think I had a chance. It was pretty good. One thing, though, I seem to waver between extrovert and introvert in my behaviors, it's very hard for me to figure out where the hell I am on the spectrum...
We're Always One Step Ahead...
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
—President Bush, at a signing ceremony Aug. 5, 2004 for a
$417 billion defense bill
This is a real speech and he wasn't joking either....HAAAA
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Jim,
I hope you and your son have a fun and safe journey.
Pam
Thanks, Kevin. It was great meeting you, too. I'm sorry we didn't get the chance to do more together. Look, I totally agree with everyone about having friendships within a marriage. That's essential. But what needs to exist for all that to work is a certain basic trust. Falling in love with mutual friends tends to, um, cause problems. But I guess that's obvious.
You know, my husband's being introverted didn't bother me until it started bothering him. I don't have a problem with it, and I don't push him to be someone he's not. However, he's hurt by not having friends which hurts me. He would rather sit and complain that to attempt to make friends, though.
There have been times when I had to smooth things over because my colleagues would try to have a conversation with him, and he would just sit and nod. They would aks me why he's so rude and some asked me if he's racist (they were black). I spent so much time apologizing and explaining that he's just very, very quiet when he doesn't know someone well. I finally got to the point where I said, "Fuck it." I shouldn't have to apologize to anyone. If they want to judge him based on one failed conversation, then they aren't worth my time or his.
It does get frustrating, though, when I feel I can't go out with my friends because I'll have to leave him alone. I don't get many chances to go out due to my job; but when I do have a free night, I generally say no to the girls. I just feel guilty knowing he's here alone. I've invited him to go with us before since he likes my friends, but he won't go because he doesn't like bars.
Okay, I've ranted and ranted here. Sorry everyone. I'm just kind of frustrated and hurt right now over this and so much more.
Thank you for your encouragment, Misti. I hope that "Maybe" is only a passing phase, too.
And Kirk, I would never hunt you down. I was just being a silly birthday girl :)
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
~unknown
"You know it's going to be a bad day when your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway."
~unknown