| Misti | If you look at the quantity of marriages, no. People get married a lot, at least in America. We live in the era of multiple mini marriages. My grandparents got married in their teens and have been married for over fifty years. You don't see that anymore. Maybe that's one of the reasons we live in the era of multiple mini marriages, though...people get married thinking they will always be in love, the sex and romance will always be great and they will never desire another human being. So much for that shit. Ideally, you should marry someone you love and are IN LOVE with, someone you respect, someone who shares your sense of humor and your take on life and how to live it, someone you can fight fair with and not be able to stay mad at for any length of time, realizing all the while that problems will arise. Poverty or financial crises unless you're very lucky or come from a wealthy family that can bail your ass out...disease...hospital visits...infertility...miscarriages...the death of your children...the loss of friends...all the stress that comes with today's economy and workforce and the dissipation of true community. You need to marry someone you can go to battle with...you and your partner against the world. So in short, no. I do not think romance has wrecked the institute of marriage. That's a rather sweeping generalization. |
| B.K. | No I'm with Misti, I don't think so either. My Aunts and Uncles and Parents were all long term and the romance of my parents beats anything I've ever seen. They kiss so much, hold hands and have traveled together thru thick and thin with the most wonderful romance to go with it. Sorry but I'll say it again and again, it is all in the cosmos, you're beating your head against a rock until you find out how it works. |
| B.K. | But wait now I guess she means todays marriage. Humm with the internet romances it just might have made it harder, yes probably, but wrecked it, not if you do it right. bk |
| sassy | I think, if I understand the question correctly,that yes, marriage has been ruined by romance. It used to be that marriages were not made on romantic whims, but on other considerations, compatibility, mutual benefit, girls would be married to men they barely knew, and it was understood that it was a contract, for life. You didn't leave your family to seek excitement and romance elsewhere, because marriage wasn't about excitement and romance so much. Now we all get caught up in that first rush of love and lust, and we think its going to last forever. Some couples are lucky enough to be able to weather the ups and downs and the fluctuations in feeling and attraction, but if your marriage is based on romance and attraction and nothing else, its not going to last, and if you marry for these reasons, you are probably going to be a repeat offender. I've been through two of these marriages myself, and have sworn off the grand old institution until I can find a valid reason for marrying. Beyond the attraction and lust and romance. But I do still get misty eyed when I see long married couples holding hands and whispering to each other... |
| chris | No, I don't think it's wrecked anything - at least not for those with an attention span longer than 3 minutes. |
| ~Harem~ | ` Au Contraire - Romance is what makes Marriage last. If you loose the romance - ususally the marriage goes down the tubes with it. ` |
| sassy | I had a professor in college, in a class called Reason and Romanticism, who said that human beings invented romantic love...that romance is something we were taught from literature and now media...I can't remember exactly how he put it, but he wondered what the state of marriage would be like if you left "learned romance" out of it...it would be dreadfully boring, but if not for the notion of romance with that not as our ideal, families might have a better shot at staying together. I don't think successful marriages have anything to do with attention spans. I think that some of us get caught up in the romance of a moment or a situation, and against our better judgment marry the wrong people. You marry the wrong one, and you are doomed from the start. And I don't think that |
| CryingShame58 | it takes more to wreck a marriage than missing romance...romance is just one of the many elements to keep a successful marriage balanced.. |
| Randy1 | |
| Randy1 | I agree. But I do sense enough to keep my reasons to myself. Just let me say this though. Romance is a two way street. You want romance? Then give a man something to be romantic about. Dress nice. Be feminine. Act like a lady, be treated like a lady. |
| Muryan | I don't believe that romance wrecks marriage. I believe that more often than not marriage wrecks romance. There's too many people who were so happy until they got married and had to deal with the stress that that entails. If two people cannot coexist peacefully and romantically within a marriage then they had no peace and romance together in the first place. Why is marriage such a buzz kill? Why, oh why should it be any different between two people when they get married than it was when they were simply together? No. Marriage wrecks romance. And I don't understand why. |
| Kirk | Well, it's definately cranked up the divorce rate I'd say. |
| Jon | Yes, I blame stand-up comedians. /got nothin |
| greysky | hmmm... romance ... as in 15th century? 18th? Wine and roses? Married for profit? At what point are we willing knock a little romance? |
| greysky | ....................to.................... er umm oopsy |
| Chances | Romance? In the 20th/21st century? You've got to be kidding... marriage is about the only place *true* romance exists! The rest is pretty much a one night stand. And you can interpret the rate of divorce in light of the above statement, if you're feeling argumentative. |
| Chances | btw - not to mistake romanticism for idealism. : P Hope someone's getting this. *sigh* |
| callaphair | I think that romance can be found anywhere... from how the dew intimately clings to a blade of grass, to how remembering someone's favorite flower makes them smile... has romance wrecked marriage???? only if you are looking in the wrong places. |
| Savannah Haze | If I answer this now it will either make me cry or just piss me off. I'll refer you to a poem I wrote some time back. It wasn't just romance... it was Hollywood! [[2002.07.22.23.13.10688]] |
| Savannah Haze | Okay, that didn't work... here it is. Hollywood ruined my love life. Damn you Dirty Dancing. Damn you Meg Ryan. Damn you all you sappy crappy Lifetime movies my mother subjected me to as a child. “Real” men don’t dance and they could care less if you put your nose in the corner. No one is that bubbly and you don’t always get the guy and when you do he’s rarely one that you hated or met over a radio program and heaven knows he won’t be an angel. When is the last time a guy took my face in his hands and kissed me? When was the last time anyone ran to me and embraced me in the rain? When was the last time that I met a handsome stranger, fell in love and married him in 2 weeks? This is the really real world. A world of burps and farts and addiction to electronics and racing to non-simultaneous orgasms. I’ve been walking around for years, blaming you guys for not touching me right or not knowing exactly the right button to push to make me smile. I expected you to know when I wanted it sweet and romantic and when I preferred down and dirty. Wine me, dine me, but don’t expect sixty-nine, at least until after the third date. You are supposed to like my friends, my mother, my pet. Is it childish idealism? Where are those guys that I plastered to my walls? The ones who had it all? Good looks, good hair, brains, common sense, drive, sense of humour, passionate, sensitive, protective? How did I end up with Bob, the sensitive guy who sent me flowers on our one week anniversary but had back hair like a Cromag? Or Jeff who looked like a Greek god but expected me to worship him like one too? And Mark, the man with the job, the Jag and no time for me? Then there was Sam who made me feel like a queen… at least until our clothes were off and I felt like I was in middle school again. There are no perfect men. There are no perfect relationships. And I’m not Meg Freaking Ryan. Maybe I expect too much… … or maybe guys should watch more movies… …and less porn. |